I am Overwhelmed!


I was just overwhelmed today.  I took a look at some of the numbers concerning this blog. 

  • Seventy six follows
  • One Post received eighteen likes

My extended family and friends has grown exponentially.  As I read the posts on the blogs I am following I have begun to understand each and every individual, it feels like I have known them for an extended length of time.

My taste and interests in the blogs I follow are wide and various.  I have met fellow Canadians, Clergy, Marketing Experts, and beyond.

There have been days when I could feel depression settling within me, then I would turn to all my blogger friends and find words that mean something to me, they also uplift me.

There are two words that a person should always say to those who mean something to them.




“Per Chance To Dream”

It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

My best friend and I have this ongoing debate about people dreaming.  He states, “everybody dreams”, my reply, “I don’t dream”. He tells me that I must dream, it is just that I do not remember them.  I am not sure which is factual.

When I was about fourteen I did have a dream, a dream to be able to travel as a musician for an itinerant preacher.  I saw that dream come true just before my eighteenth birthday.  I was elated for I was able to see most of my home country of Canada and many parts of the United States.  It didn’t cost me a penny, but rather a weekly salary.

I do believe dreams is what keeps us moving forward in life.  Dreams of having a great career, a wonderful marriage and then a terrific family.  Without them we would lose our zest for life and truly no meaningful reason to put our feet on the floor every morning.

Now I look forward to seeing the dreams of my grandchildren unfold during the pre-teen lives. One in hockey and two girls who excel in dance. Watching them grow into fine young people.  Yes, it is those three children that gives me a reason to get of my bed every day.

To quote Shakespeare, maybe out of context:

“To be, or not to be – that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune …

“…’Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep —
To sleep – perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil…”


Inspiration, Where?

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

For the past several days I have been in a fog.  Try as I might I just cannot seem to be inspired from anywhere, or anything.

The places I use to find inspiration from seem so distant.  Yes, I go through the motions of how I use to find my inspiration, but come away empty.  Maybe, I am consumed at the moment about certain events that have transpired around me. 

As a pastor, evangelist, and gospel musician and singer I could reach down into me and find my inspiration at any given time.  For this moment though that seems to feel foreign to me.

All the coffee, blog post reading, and even up tempo music just doesn’t do the trick.

I ask you, the reader if you would, take a moment and tell me where you find inspiration to write.

So, my question today is, inspiration, where?

Join The Fight With Me!

Today I finally said “enough is enough”!  I wrote an anchor on MSNBC.

As I quoted on a previous post, “I am as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore”!

Here is what I wrote after I found how to contact them:

Sept. 11, 2019 – Stephanie Rhule
You had on your hour Rep. Tom Reed(R) discussing gun laws.
You had an opportunity to push back and dispel the myth of mass shooters and those who have mental health issues. The truth is there is no evidence that supports the myth that mass shooters were suffering with bi-polar.
It is a fact those with bi-polar, like myself, are more likely to harm themselves than to hurt anyone else.
The media could do the general public a great service and have on some psychiatrists, psychologists, and even those who are bi-polar to give out facts about mental health issues.
Those like the congressman are just spouting the NRA points. They are using the issue of mental health and bi-polar communities as scapegoats.
Be the first, do something to break the myths out there!

Join the fight, write your congressman, senator, media personality and give them the facts on Mental Health Issues!


Itchy Feet

*** Before you close this post, it is not about athlete’s foot.***


In the summer of 1997 my best friend came and knocked on my apartment door.  It was not the best place, but it was all that I could afford at the time.  He began to tell me that there was a mobile home that he thought I might be interested in.  The owner was willing to sell it to me on a rent-to-own basis.  So, I decided to take a look at the place.  It was far larger than my current accomadations.  After looking through the home I talked to the owner and decided I would take it.

In mid August that year I moved in.  I didn’t have much for furniture so the place looked relatively empty.  Once settled in I made a phone call to my mother.  I went through the niceties then I told her about my decision to buy the mobile home.  Her reply to the news was simple, “don’t get itchy feet“!

She knew me. She knew that when I would find that when I faced tough situations I would pack and run from it.  Truth be told it was my way of not facing hard situations head on.  At other times I would just simply ignore the situation which just caused more damage.

I have just recently learned that we all have built into us a fight or flight response.  For me nine times out of ten I would choose flight response.

There have been times while living in my current home where I was facing a tough time that I wanted to just run away.  Yet, every time I gave thought to running I could hear my mother’s voice in my head.

“Don’t get itchy feet”!

p.s – I just finished twenty-two years in this mobile home which I own outright.

My Message To The Media!

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell: I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
I want you to get up right now. Sit up. Go to your windows. Open them and stick your head out and yell – ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!…You’ve got to say, I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!


Dear Media:

This is my recommendation for the next time there is someone who goes on a rampage and starts to mow down multiples of people.  This is for when someone out of their own ignorance blames it on the community of bi-polar people

Where are the professionals such as the psychiatrists, psychologists, the clinicians.  I look for some network to have the intestinal fortitude to have these on the news segments debunking the myth that all serial killers are bi-polar.  That is not the case.  There is no evidence  to back up that claim, at least not from very credible sources.

Yes, I know I am only one voice, but, I am one irate voice who is tired of people spouting off baseless statements, using the bi-polar community as scapegoats.

So dear Media, it is time for someone, everyone, to stand up and shout, “We’re as mad as hell and we are not going to take it anymore”.



Life’s is funny, just when you think you have the rules down pat life decides to change them leaving you in a tailspin.

In the past two weeks I have been reliving things from my childhood, things I thought I had dealt with and moved on from.  One incident that happened to my relative seemed to have caused a crack in the dam bursting it and my mind was flooded with flashbacks.

I am one who doesn’t hold grudges for they serve no purpose and tend to make a person miserable, full of hate, and revenge.  Now do not get me wrong I am not one that believes I should be a doormat for someone to walk all over me.

Since that incident two weeks ago my lone time has been a time of feeling overwhelmed.  The evenings seemed so much longer, morning arriving too soon.

One incident, two weeks of childhood events playing like a continous re-run, a flood of flashbacks!

My Pendulum

I have sat down at my laptop many times since my last post.  Each time I start one I find myself hitting the delete button.   When I write I want it to mean something, something worth saying!

It started last Monday when I received a phone call bright and early with a family member in distress.  What I found out later disturbed me greatly.  It brought back scenes of my own days of an abusive father.

So, I have been on the downward swing ever since.  I jump every time the phone rings, my heart begins to race.  Just like the adage declares, ‘sitting on pins and needles’.

Oh, I know deep down this is a setback, though minor.  I will find my way back to the other side of this.

All I can do is work to have my pendulum swing back to the happy side!

Life Through The Eyes Of Shakespeare

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

(Hamlet Act 1, Scene 3)

I probably could guess what my high school english teachers would say about my grasp on the writings of the one and only William Shakespeare, more than likely poor would be the answer.

For as long as I can remember I had a deep inner need to feel accepted.  Maybe, that is a given for any number of men, women, boys, and girls.  Try as I must I felt I could never live up to standards of those around me.

It was the same when I was active in ministry.  Oh, I could hold my own in the music department, but when it came to standing behind the pulpit I felt inadequate.  I strived to master my technique in the delivering of my messages. Yet, at times I felt so out of place.

This feeling of being out of place became quite intense when I first started experiencing panic attacks.  From this, all manner of other things seemed to flow.  I found myself becoming quite reclusive.  It was the complete opposite of my character as a Gospel musician and minister of the Word.  Back then I was not bothered by being out front of a crowd.  Now I totally become nauseous at the thoughts of being in a crowd.

I have been battling and am still battling some inner conflicts.  Conflicts that stemmed from all I was raised to believe.  This is why I made the decision to leave full time ministry.

Maybe, William understood this internal battle of needing acceptance of being true to oneself.  We can feel it through all his writings.

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

Please Be Patient With Me!

First let me say a great big “Thank You” to everyone who has decided to follow this blog.  It truly means a lot to me!

I have been away from writing for several days on purpose.  I really did not have much to write about.  I always take time to think about what I want to share, then how to share it with you, the reader.

I however have been trying to read all the new posts but I admit I am falling behind on my reading.  There are so many great articles being written and also I find new ones to read as they are suggested through the WordPress Reader’s Page.  I am doing my utmost best in catching up on my reading.  I am almost ready to tackle the keyboard and share with you a new post of this blog.

So, I ask you, “Please Be Patient With Me”!  Thank You!