Reblog- Bipolar Basics, [Symptoms] — Broken Believers

Bipolar disorder symptoms are characterized by an alternating pattern of emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). The intensity of signs and symptoms can vary from mild to severe. There may even be periods when your life doesn’t seem affected at all. Manic phase of bipolar disorder Signs and symptoms of the manic phase of bipolar […]

via Bipolar Basics, [Symptoms] — Broken Believers

Some Observations

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Sometimes I wish that I could go into a time machine right now and just look at my self and say, ‘Calm down. Things are gonna be fine. Things are gonna be all great. Just relax.’ Tristan Wilds
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/search_results?q=things+are+cicular

My friend will be visiting and for some unknown reason he will stop me and ask ‘who are you arguing with?’.

  • Sometimes I may be commenting about something I am hearing on a t.v. show.  
  • I will see something and have a flashback about a style of clothing or accessory.  Anyone old enough to remember ‘cat eyes glasses’?
  • Some guy has a suit on that looks like one I would have found in my father/grandfathers closet.  Lately it is the large check pattern.
  • I keep looking for ‘platform’ shoes to be back in style

There is an old saying, not Biblical, “this too will pass”.  I have noticed that when I first experienced panic attacks I would say that very thing to me.  Now, here I am again trying to remind myself that “this too shall pass”.

So, dear reader here are some observations I have made over a certain length of time!

Flu Shots Available – Canada

I am writing this post about flu shots being available because I lost my mother due to the flu in 2000

Please, if not for yourself, get the flu shot for those that love you. There are plenty of places that you can receive it.  I went to the Pharmacy that I deal with to receive mine.

So, dress warm, walk, drive, taxi, to the nearest location and be proactive and have a flu shot!

Thinking Of Others

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Image By: reneebigelow from Pixabay

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. Og MandinoRead more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/kindness-quotes

Sometimes I can get wrapped up in my own difficulties that I forget that there are those who are going through much harder battles.  Battles like, food, shelter, prescription medicine.

Today while thinking about something else a song that was very popular when I was growing up came to mind.  It was sung by Glen Campbell.  I am going to let the words of the song speak for me.

Let me be a little kinder
Let me be a little blinder
To the faults of those about me
Let me praise a little more

Let me be when I am weary
Just a little bit more cheery
Think a little more of others
And a little less of me

Let me be a little braver
When temptation bids me waver
Let me strive a little harder
To be all that I should be

Let me be a little meeker
With the brother that is weaker
Let me think more of my neighbor
And a little less of me

Focus, Focus, Focus

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You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/control-quotes

A Small Personal Note:

I write speaking of myself, my motive being if I am going through it, there are others going or have been through it also.

When I was learning to teach myself the piano there was one key and only one that I needed.  That was the ability to focus!  So, I would sit at my piano sometimes for hour upon hour working on one certain thing until I had it close to perfect.

Lately I having trouble with keeping focus on anything for a length of time.  I find that my mind starts drifting.  Which is the reason for lack of posts here on this blog.

I know that to be successful in anything you have to have a strong ability to focus.  It requires your whole being on your endeavors in life.

In talking to my best friend I finally told him that I was considering see my psychiatrist to see if I can get through this lack of focus.

So, my task at hand is one thing and one thing only, FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Don’t Do It!

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Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. Don Miguel Ruiz
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/assumptions-quotes

I am not sure about anyone else, but I get so frustrated when people make assumptions about me.  When I tell them I am bi-polar they assume that I cannot make my own decisions.

  • When I mention I am having a bad day, they assume it is just my way of getting out of something.
  • They assume just because I look healthy that I am faking being ill.

There are many more that I could list, but, the above two basically tells it all.

So, do me a favor when you see me don’t make assumptions.

Just Don’t It!

10 Myths and facts about mental illness — Mental health from the other side

As a former mental health nurse and ward manager for many years in East London’s busiest mental health settings I was used to the many misconceptions people (including carers, visitors, family and friends) had. Here are my top 10. Mental illness won’t affect me. FACT – Mental illnesses are surprisingly common; they do not discriminate—they […]

via 10 Myths and facts about mental illness — Mental health from the other side

Lesson, Hard Learned

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In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. Tom Bodett
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/lesson-quotes

The other night I went off a routine that I have at nighttime.  I usually get a coffee, take my night pills and give my dog her night treats.  For some reason I forgot the meds.

Well that night went horribly wrong.  I couldn’t get to sleep.  I tossed and turned all night. I got out of bed did some quiet things that usually helps me on nights like this.  Still sleep wouldn’t come to my eyes.  My brain just kept on racing.

At 4 a.m. I finally decided this exercise of trying to go to sleep was futile.  So, I did what I always do in the morning I call my best friend to let him know I am awake.  He then proceeds to tell me that I forgot my night meds.  You see he is the one that brings my meds for each day.  Well, that answered why a had such a horrendous night.

I found out that I will always need the meds. 

So, that was a lesson hard learned!

Aching Memories

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“Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Memories, good, the bad, and the ugly.  Some you want to keep forever for they remind of a time gone past that was warm, comforting, and full of love.

Then there are those memories you wish there was a way to erase, no totally delete them from the cobwebs in your mind.  These are times that I would never want to experience again, or anyone for that matter to experience.  I will call them my aching memories.

It is when I am depressed that these memories seem to float to the top of my thoughts.  I try as I might, but, just cannot stop them from haunting me.  I wake up with them, they are there when I have too much free time, and are there when I close my eyes at night.

Oh, there is medications that can suppress them for a period of time, but are there when the medication wanes.

So, all I have left is too try to raise those good memories and hope they give relief to my “aching memories”.

 

The Silent Scream

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Screaming is bad for the voice, but it’s good for the heart. Conor Oberst
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/screaming-quotes

Lately there are times I just want to scream, not in anger, but shear frustration.  Frustration that I am going through another period of depression.

If I lived somewhere out on an acreage I probably would let out a scream.  Since I do not live somewhere like that, I cannot let out a scream for the neighbors are too close.  More than likely the police would be paying me a visit.  Screaming would be so out of character for me.

So, instead of letting it all out I just do my silent scream!

O.K. I Admit…

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It is very hard to explain to people who have never known serious depression or anxiety the sheer continuous intensity of it. There is no off switch. Matt Haig
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/depression-quotes

I have been pushing back on something I just don’t want to admit, for if I admit it then I own it.  I have been doing mental gymnastics around it.  The more I try to avoid it, the stronger it seems to loom over me.

I have been putting on a mask of “everything is fine” when with others, but deep down inside me it simmers just below the surface.  I do not know anyone in my sphere of people who would understand these feelings that I am experiencing.  So, here I am suffering in silence, my only outlet being is this blog.

So, okay I admit it, I am depressed!

Beginning To Understand Myself

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During bad circumstances, which is the human inheritance, you must decide not to be reduced. You have your humanity, and you must not allow anything to reduce that. We are obliged to know we are global citizens. Disasters remind us we are world citizens, whether we like it or not. Maya Angelou
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/maya-angelou-quotes

I must admit now that yes I am in the dull-drums.

When you spend a lot of time alone, like I do, you often do much introspection.  Mix in a mind that is continually racing and you begin to almost talking to yourself.

I have always thought and believed that I was comfortable in my own skin.  Well I find myself rethinking that.  Maybe, I try to put on a brave outward face when others are around.  The opposite is true when I am alone and look into the mirror, turn my thoughts inward into the dark corners of my mind.

I cannot think of one reason why I have sunk deep down into the abyss.

“He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby becomes a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.” (Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil. Aphorism 146)

Relax, I am not a monster!

 

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am not sure how long this will last with me, but, I am going to allow myself travel down this road.

Getting comfortable in my own skin!

Ill Effects Of Depression

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If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. Kris Carr
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/depression-quotes

I already knew that depression causes effects within our body things that sometimes we pass off the effect/s as something else.

There are a couple of things that I am trying to wrap my head around:

Lack Of Energy

I saw my GP this morning and mentioned to him about this lack of energy.  I had been searching for some natural remedies that might help.  I asked him about something I had found called “Free Testerones”.  He advised me not to take them for they may have some serious side-effects also.  One that he mentioned caught my attention, that was it could cause harm to the prostate.  So, no free testerones for this guy.  I would offer a word of advice, that before you try anything speak to your doctor first.

Weight Gain

When I entered into high school I weighed ninety-nine pounds and stood around six foot one.

I now stand around five foot ten due to compression in my back.

I eventually gained some weight over the years but always remained slim. Two years ago I weighed about one hundred forty-five pounds.  Being inactive because of several bone fractures started a weight gain.  I now weigh around one hundred ninety pounds.

I now have a better understanding about how our body image affects our disposition. I look in the mirror and see nothing but a blob of fat.  Triggering a wave of despair within me.  

Going to the gym is out, and finding a diet I can work with seems impossible.

So, I have learned two more side-effects of depression!  YUCK!

I Get Depressed When…

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*** When I tell people that I am bi-polar their reply is, “You don’t look sick”!

***  That’s not a real illness

***  They have no tests for it like an x-ray or something

***  Just get happy

Those are just a few things that make me want to pull my hair out, they just make me depressed!

Using the comment section let me hear some of the things that make you depressed!

Too Much Quiet Is Maddening!

Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task, the challenge, the fear into small, bite-size pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. I actually put my hands up to my face, one next to each eye, like blinders on a horse. Regina Brett
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/loneliness-quotes

Loneliness is, like, when you wish someone else was there, and solitude is when you enjoy being alone. I don’t always wanna be alone, but I definitely like pockets of solitude to recharge and come back to myself. I think that’s so important for everyone. Jonathan Van Ness
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/loneliness-quotes

I grew up as the oldest of five.  I always had to share the bedroom with my younger brother.  The three girls the same.  That meant there wasn’t much time or space just to be alone.  

Oh, how I wished for a space that was all my own, a place where I could retreat to, to read a book, take a nap, or just lay on the bed and think.

Now I own my own place, live alone, and at times I wouldn’t mind all that chatter and activity.  It would drive back the almost smothering still silence around me.  At times I would almost wager to say that I can hear the very blood coursing through my veins.

Too much quiet is quite maddening!

A Quick Word From Groucho Marx

I found this quote from the famous comedian, Groucho Marx.  I cannot add to it for it says everything I am feeling at this time.

ENJOY!

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/groucho-marx-quotes

Let’s Go Downtown

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Downtown

When you’re alone, and life is making you lonely
You can always go
Downtown
When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know
Downtown
Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, things’ll be great when you’re
Downtown, no finer place for sure
Downtown everything’s waiting for you
Downtown
Don’t hang around and let your problems surround you
There are movie shows
Downtown
Maybe you know some little places to go to
Where they never close
Downtown
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova
You’ll be
Source: LyricFind
When I was a teenager I would walk all over the city.  When I moved here I use to walk uptown, downtown to do my shopping.  I would sometimes go downtown with little or no money just to get out of the house.  I found that even without much money window shopping can be uplifting,  I thought nothing of it, if it was groceries I would call for a taxi to go home.  I found these trips great exercise, and also, spirit lifting.
I am no longer able to do those type of jaunts.  I miss them.
The song above was a popular song when I was young but the words say alot. One line of the song says exactly the point I am trying to bring across.
“Don’t hang around and let your problems surround you…”
To borrow something my best friend says to me every once in awhile;
“Get outside and get the stink off you!”

You Write This Headline

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“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha

I grew up around an angry man.  You never knew when he would blow his top, so, everyone walked like on egg shells around him.  Blowing his top may have been wrong, but when he was angry he would throw things, break things, God forbid if he was driving when he lost it.  

As I grew older his favorite punching became me, so to avoid confrontations, when I entered high school I went to school in the dark and arrive at home after he was in bed.  It was a matter of survival.  After one severe incident I left home at the age of sixteen, quit school and started hitch hiking to destination not determined.

To this very day when someone around me shows his anger I run for the hills. My home life automatically flashes before me.  If I am out walking and see someone coming towards me that I know wants to be confrontational I will cross the street to avoid that person.

I know that when someone has anger issues, that anger is corrosive.

*** Allow me some creative licence on broadcaster Paul Harvey’s closing line***

And now you know another part of the story!