Aching Memories

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“Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression

Memories, good, the bad, and the ugly.  Some you want to keep forever for they remind of a time gone past that was warm, comforting, and full of love.

Then there are those memories you wish there was a way to erase, no totally delete them from the cobwebs in your mind.  These are times that I would never want to experience again, or anyone for that matter to experience.  I will call them my aching memories.

It is when I am depressed that these memories seem to float to the top of my thoughts.  I try as I might, but, just cannot stop them from haunting me.  I wake up with them, they are there when I have too much free time, and are there when I close my eyes at night.

Oh, there is medications that can suppress them for a period of time, but are there when the medication wanes.

So, all I have left is too try to raise those good memories and hope they give relief to my “aching memories”.

 

5 thoughts on “Aching Memories

  1. I believe the “aching memories” will always be there. Something I’ve been trying lately is whenever one of those jump at me I fight it back with a good memory. It has helped me realize that I really do have a lot of good memories and the “aching” ones are usually on repeat or shuffling through the same ones constantly. So I’m trying to replace them with the good. In the last week I have been able to get enough oomf to get out of the house and go out in public (yuck!) and socialize with people (only once and only for about an hour but it still counts). I have a hard time counting doctor appointments and picking my kids up as an “outing” lol. With practice I think it might help significantly with my depression which lately has been getting triggered by those bad memories.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Angie!
      I have learned that sometimes I cannot see a positive when in a down cycle.
      I am so glad to have people like you willing to share your thoughts on others posts.
      I have learned so much, much more yet to go, but the WordPress community is a valuable tool for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes there are bad memories that can suck the life right out of a person. It’s hard to remember the good memories when your self confidence and self worth wanes. It’s easy to remember all the negative toxic things others have said about you. It’s also easy to remember all the times you failed or lost it…and said or did things to hurt yourself or others.

    I remember a time when my son was very depressed. There was nothing I could do or say to remind him he did have a future that was worth living. Eventually he climbed out of his depression and then entered a manic phase.

    Being labelled someone with a mental illness played a big part in my son’s depression and I think his manic phase too. Wanting to succeed and wanting love and admiration from his family, friends and colleagues were so elusive in our then dysfunctional family.

    So I think Andrew Solomon’s advice is helpful. I’d also suggest you and your readers invest in a copy of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages. You might be surprised to learn, many people do things or buy things for others or spend time with others and when they do…they are telling them how much they really do love them. If you are a person who needs words of affirmation to feel loved and the people around you do not give you the words of affirmation that you need …or criticizes you…wow…that could throw you into a real big depression.

    …and by the way, I think by maintaining this blog and putting yourself out there…you are doing a big service to others who suffer with mental illness. You are showing others how much you care about them and inviting them into a community where they can open up and share their coping strategies and triggers. That is commendable.

    Liked by 1 person

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