“So, this is how it’s become? This is how I’ve become? A walking contradiction? I’m surrounded by people and feel alone. I claim to crave a bit of normalcy but now that I have some, it’s like I don’t know what to do with it, I don’t know how to be a normal person anymore.”
If I am honest things are definitely not normal. Upside down, inside out, topsy turvy, mad house, those are just some adjectives to describe the new world we are living in.
Gone is the outstretched hand to shake another. The warm hug from someone we love. Travel not advised, borders being closed. Favorite restaurants closed to sitting in to dine. Places we love to gather in shuttered until further notice.
Being bi – polar is a world that is hard to understand. Highs, lows, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, a whole host of other medications too many to list.
It would be easy to allow myself to sink in sheer panic, nightmares of it being the end of the world, or the opposite, refusing to believe that there really is no danger.
The brain is a marvelous thing how it protects us during times of great distress. Listening to it though is an exercise all on it’s own.
Nobody really knows how long it will be before we go back to what we recognize as normal. Yes, there are those who think they have the answer, but, they are the minority.
So, my life will not change much. I only go out for shopping and doctor’s appointments. I have resigned myself that no matter what it will be “steady as it goes”!