“I started feeling afraid of my own body, like it was a torture chamber I’d been trapped inside.”
I have had severe problems with my back since I was in my teens. It would come and go, so I didn’t really feel to curb my activities.
Then in 1987 I was a passenger on a motor bike. The driver on an August day ran into the back of a car. The impact sent me hurling through the air to land on my butt. The results were I tore all the ligaments away from my spine.
So, with that I have had prescribed at one time or another some strong painkillers, such as, morphine, Oxycontin, and fentanyl patch.
Now mix in being bi-polar, this was before diagnosis, and I was a total sorry person. There were nights where I didn’t sleep at all, days where I was totally buzzed on painkillers, so bad, that I couldn’t remember what I ate the night before. Conversations took place where I didn’t remember them either.
Eventually I land in the Mental Health Ward for severe depression. I learned on that visit that I was bi-polar. That was step one.
It became a red alert with the painkillers. I spoke with my family doctor and my Psychiatrist about coming off all the narcotics. They told me I could do it from home or go through it while admitted. I chose the latter. That was step two.
I am in constant pain, this is something I have seldom wrote about on this blog. I feel it could be helpful maybe for someone who is experiencing chronic pain.
So, I am not sure what to call it when you mix pain and depression. Whatever the term would be, I just try to survive one day at a time!