“I didn’t want normal until I didn’t have it anymore”
Normal – definition,
adjectiveconforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural;serving to establish a standard.
- approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
- free from any mental disorder; sane.
1.the usual, average, or typical state or condition.
“her temperature was above normal“
I could ask one hundred people what they think ‘normal’ is. I probably have one hundred different answers. The answers probably based on culture, status in life, gender, etc.,
I was asking that question about myself, what is ‘normal’ for me. Looking back my life was a emotional roller coaster. I was not a happy person, yes, I had moments of happiness, but they were just a snapshot in my life.
I dropped out of school, went to work until an itinerant preacher asked me to travel as an organist. I felt happy most of the time travelling around Canada and the States. Yet my volcanic mood swings would almost tear up any of my relationships.
I tried to commit suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills. My life was shattered with no purpose, at least that is how I felt. This was my first experience of being admitted to a Mental Health ward. The only thing I remember about that ordeal was the movie they showed us, “What About Bob”. The lesson they wanted us to take away from it was in recovery you have to take ‘Baby Steps’.
Then another blow that happened was the death of my mother in 2000. I kept my self control during the whole matter. Then another hit to my mental weakness was the death of my grandmother. All those things culminated in another suicide attempt.
That triggered another of many stays in the Mental Health Ward in the local hospital. I learned many things about myself. About ‘Bi-Polar’, ‘manic depression’, and many other aspects of being ‘Bi-Polar’.
I have been on meds now for over ten years and I am stable. No more wild mood swings, harmful thoughts, no more eruptions of anger. Life now is stable, I am for the most part very happy, there are several factors for this, my very best friend, my daughter, and three grandchildren
So dear reader, I do not want to go back to the way life was before treatment. The life I have now is what I call “normal”.