“Want a reliable road to emotional and spiritual suicide? Spend your life trying to fit in.”
― Brandon Mull
For all my life I really felt that I didn’t fit in. I couldn’t hang out with the jocks, my body was too thin, no muscular definition. I really felt uncomfortable around the egg heads. Don’t get me wrong, I was smart enough, had good grades in most subjects, but somehow I just didn’t think I was brainy.
My grade eight teacher didn’t help how I looked at myself when he showed up at the door while we were eating dinner. He wanted my mother to hold me back a year for he thought I was too small to enter high school. My mother declined the idea so come fall I registered for grade nine at the school of my choosing.
During high school I basically kept to myself, well not really, during lunch breaks you could find me sitting at a table with other guys playing cards, Euchre was the favorite game. When it came time in the day for gym I was very self-conscience in the change room, I just wanted to melt into the walls, change my clothes and make an exit as fast as possible.
After the school day I would make my way home, drop my books, change clothes, then head out the door, either to baby sit my cousins, or dropping of a paper called “Penny Saver”. If it was summer I would have some type of part time work. Also, I had around the neighborhood where I would take care of their lawns.
Even to this day I have bouts where I feel inferior. I don’t socialize much with anybody, basically a home body. It’s not that I don’t like being with people, but, I find myself struggling to think of something to talk about other than the niceties of, “how are you”, that small talk.
It’s has been that all this week, feeling awkward searching for words, with my thoughts being disjointed leaving me feeling frustrated.
So dear reader my motto for this upcoming week is, “I think I can, I think I can…repeat”!