Treasure Hunt?

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All emotions, even those that are suppressed and unexpressed, have physical effects. Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking time bombs—they are illnesses in incubation.”
― Marilyn Van M. Derbur, Miss America by Day

The brain is an amazing organ, it controls the rest of the body.  Communicates with the nervous system, the five senses, etc.,

The thing I find most fantastic is how certain scents, music, words, can trigger my memory, even some that I have not thought about in years.  Some of those thoughts I have pushed to the back of my brain because I just didn’t want to deal with them.

My memory sometimes works overboard, I can remember things that even the ones that were also there cannot recall that incident.

Pent up emotions like anger, resentment can mess with our digestive system. Other emotions like regret can keep me in a state of fixation, can’t move forward, too easy to move backwards.  So, just stuck in one place!

There are times when I question certain memories whether they are real or just something I have dreamed, a creation of my imagination.

I find myself drifting between the now and the memories that seem to rise to the top.  With some they bring back times when I was happy, the days of singing with my grandfather, the days of singing with my sister as I played the piano.  The other memories I would love to find a way to eradicate them totally.

So, unlike Rand Travis “Digging Up Bones” song, I keep digging through my memories like someone on a treasure hunt.

Christmas Past

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When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things give off the greatest glow of happiness. –  Bob Hope

From: http://www.cherishyourday.com/ChristmasQuotes.html

I have been reminiscing about Christmas while growing up.  We lived in and around Windsor, Ontario where we very seldom saw snow on Christmas Day.  The first time we experienced a true white Christmas was when we moved to London, Ontario in the early seventies.

I have been digging down into the chest of those memories, some are very cherished, some will just stay at the bottom that chest.

Christmas morning always found myself and siblings excited to see all the presents under the tree.  There was one rule, we don’t touch them until my parents were out of bed.  I am not sure who had the more fun, us unwrapping the gifts, or the parents watching us letting out thrills of joy over our gifts.

Then we all would pack into the car to either go to my maternal grandmother for dinner, or just go visit the paternal grandparent.  Those visits also created some fond memories.

Now I live over a couple of thousand miles from that area, but, the memories are there at any time I wish to look in that chest of memories.

It is now me who is the father, the grandfather who is helping to create memories for those grand kids of mine.  There is no unwrapping of gifts Christmas morning.  Christmas Eve day is when they will visit, I will give my grandchildren the gifts I have for them.

Christmas Day will be quiet, sharing a meal together with my best friend.  Make some phone calls to my daughter and grandchildren to see how their Christmas morning went.

So, it’s those Christmas memories that I hold onto, memories that make me feel like I am back home with my late mother, grandmother.  It is those memories that I wrap myself in when I feel blue.

You Write This Headline

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“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha

I grew up around an angry man.  You never knew when he would blow his top, so, everyone walked like on egg shells around him.  Blowing his top may have been wrong, but when he was angry he would throw things, break things, God forbid if he was driving when he lost it.  

As I grew older his favorite punching became me, so to avoid confrontations, when I entered high school I went to school in the dark and arrive at home after he was in bed.  It was a matter of survival.  After one severe incident I left home at the age of sixteen, quit school and started hitch hiking to destination not determined.

To this very day when someone around me shows his anger I run for the hills. My home life automatically flashes before me.  If I am out walking and see someone coming towards me that I know wants to be confrontational I will cross the street to avoid that person.

I know that when someone has anger issues, that anger is corrosive.

*** Allow me some creative licence on broadcaster Paul Harvey’s closing line***

And now you know another part of the story!

 

Flashback!

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Life’s is funny, just when you think you have the rules down pat life decides to change them leaving you in a tailspin.

In the past two weeks I have been reliving things from my childhood, things I thought I had dealt with and moved on from.  One incident that happened to my relative seemed to have caused a crack in the dam bursting it and my mind was flooded with flashbacks.

I am one who doesn’t hold grudges for they serve no purpose and tend to make a person miserable, full of hate, and revenge.  Now do not get me wrong I am not one that believes I should be a doormat for someone to walk all over me.

Since that incident two weeks ago my lone time has been a time of feeling overwhelmed.  The evenings seemed so much longer, morning arriving too soon.

One incident, two weeks of childhood events playing like a continous re-run, a flood of flashbacks!

Echoes In My Mind

I have mentioned before that my mind races, seldom shuts down, when it does it is medication that causes it to.

Sometimes my problem stems from too much down time, nightime is extremely bad.  It is when echoes from the past seem to bounce around in my brain.  I seem to remember events that even those who were there cannot remember.  My youngest memory is about when I was four years old.  It was to do with a toy truck I had, my sister placed it on the heat grate from the oil furnace and it melted.

These echoes are not grudges, I do not carry those around for they will keep you in a stalemate in life.  It is just things most humans would experience and never think about it again throughout their entire life.

Even as I write this, a popular pop song is going through my mind from my youth. “Summer breeze makes me feel fine blowing through the chasms in my mind”. Only those my age and older probably will now the song.  The artist that performed it evades my memory at the time of this writing.

So, this weekend was one of those where I had alot of down time, except for Sunday with a surprise visit from my daughter most of the afternoon and evening.

I wish I knew how to cancel the echoes in my mind!

Little Child

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Fifty years ago in 1969 astronaut Buzz Aldrin spoke the now famous words, “That’sone small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”   It is funny I can tell you the house we were living in, the landlord’s name, and who was in the house with us when my mom turned the t.v. on and we watched as Buzz stepped onto the surface. of the moon.

This post is not about the landing on the moon but rather, something that has been happening within me on a more frequent occurance.  That is recalling events, places from my childhood years, yet I can barely tell you what happened last week.

I was sharing this with my best friend as we were visiting and watching the Dodgers play ball.  He quipped, “maybe you are becoming a child again”.  We both laughed.  Yet, inside my mind I wonder if this is the minds way of  defending itself against the things that would cause me pain.

I woke up this morning not feeling quite up to one hundred percent.  I wasn’t sick or in pain but yet just not feeling my best.

I have noticed the same thing happening when I am experiencing low points in my life that I go back to something in my childhood.  Like recalling room to room the fine details of my grandmothers house including her very last phone number.  Maybe I am just over reacting to these moments, however it is like there is a little child in me trying to bring comfort, the same comfort when someone turns to a certain food they like.

I realize I cannot go back to those times, but I sure love the feelings that bring a definite smile to my face for just a calming moment.