Flashback!

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Life’s is funny, just when you think you have the rules down pat life decides to change them leaving you in a tailspin.

In the past two weeks I have been reliving things from my childhood, things I thought I had dealt with and moved on from.  One incident that happened to my relative seemed to have caused a crack in the dam bursting it and my mind was flooded with flashbacks.

I am one who doesn’t hold grudges for they serve no purpose and tend to make a person miserable, full of hate, and revenge.  Now do not get me wrong I am not one that believes I should be a doormat for someone to walk all over me.

Since that incident two weeks ago my lone time has been a time of feeling overwhelmed.  The evenings seemed so much longer, morning arriving too soon.

One incident, two weeks of childhood events playing like a continous re-run, a flood of flashbacks!

Echoes In My Mind

I have mentioned before that my mind races, seldom shuts down, when it does it is medication that causes it to.

Sometimes my problem stems from too much down time, nightime is extremely bad.  It is when echoes from the past seem to bounce around in my brain.  I seem to remember events that even those who were there cannot remember.  My youngest memory is about when I was four years old.  It was to do with a toy truck I had, my sister placed it on the heat grate from the oil furnace and it melted.

These echoes are not grudges, I do not carry those around for they will keep you in a stalemate in life.  It is just things most humans would experience and never think about it again throughout their entire life.

Even as I write this, a popular pop song is going through my mind from my youth. “Summer breeze makes me feel fine blowing through the chasms in my mind”. Only those my age and older probably will now the song.  The artist that performed it evades my memory at the time of this writing.

So, this weekend was one of those where I had alot of down time, except for Sunday with a surprise visit from my daughter most of the afternoon and evening.

I wish I knew how to cancel the echoes in my mind!

Keeping Concentration

During the worst times of my depression I could not seem to concentrate for very long times.  Doctor appointments required having my best friend with me so that if I asked what my doctor said he could refresh my memory.  There were times also that I thought I was showing the early signs of dementia.  My doctor put that to rest for me.  Silly how our minds try to spin all sorts of problems that do not exist.

Reading a book, working on the computer, plus other activities I enjoyed were put to the curb.  I just couldn’t hold my thoughts together.

I am improving in this area but I still have times of trouble with it.  What I have started doing is activities like Mahjong, Sudoku, and  reading short articles trying to make mental notes of what I had read.

I am not sure how many suffer the same effects of depression, but, I surely would like to know.  There is one area that I suspect might also be the cause, the medications I take.  I plan on asking for a complete list from my pharmacy so that I can research them on the internet.

Now, for something that has turned into something great.  Since writing about my journey I have heard from many of you.  I have found I am not alone, reading many of your blogs.  Again, thank you!