Have Air Bags Before The Crash

“The pain of severe depression is quite unimaginable to those who have not suffered it, and it kills in many instances because its anguish can no longer be borne. The prevention of many suicides will continue to be hindered until there is a general awareness of the nature of this pain.” ― William Styron, Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness

I hope you will read the entirety of this post and don’t move on because of the heading.

I was watching a tv show, “Touched By An Angel” and in the episode a teen becomes drunk drinking wine. He takes the keys to a car, he gets in, starts the motor, and takes off screeching the tires. Just out of the lane way he crashes into a post. It sent his head forward crashing against the steering wheel. The outcome from the crash was he did damage to his eyes. He will need a transplant of his cornea transplant. It was before airbags became mandatory, so if there were airbags the damage might have been a slight lump on the forehead.

Prevention, I wonder if I would have sought help if I would have know that I was bi-polar. Would my actions, like, attempting suicide, would have been altered. Messages, like, one here in Canada that says, “Let’s Talk” would have been aired back then, would it have saved thousands of lives?

There are so many things today that we know if we follow them they would prevent many diseases in our body. We know many substances cause cancer. It took many cancer deaths caused from the material asbestos before the product was banned. It is no longer used in construction and if a home is being renovated and they find asbestos everything comes to a halt. Work is stopped, everyone is told to leave and specialists are called in to handle the material safely. They start the procedure of removing it with many steps. One step involves the specialists put on a Hazmat suit

I remember the late First Lady Nancy Reagan against using drugs. It was quite simple, “Just Say No“. It is probably what started a search to help first responders deal with drug overdoses. Every ambulance, pharmacy, and even for homes a drug that reverses a drug overdose. It is the drug, “NARCAN“, also known as, NALOXONE.

I know now what triggers a migraine in me, tree nuts. I also know the signs of a panic attack. For both those things I know how to prevent both of them.

I wonder if you know something that would have helped if you knew how to prevent it. In other words, do you now have airbags, prevention, before you crash.

So, have airbags before the crash!


It’s critical that we lower the cost of prescription drugs and develop a health care plan that works for all Americans. Mike Braun

I am Canadian, but this could be applied to Canada.

I am not really sure when I started noticing the price of everything. Debating with a company over the cost of their services. Look through all of the flyers to see which store has the best prices. Is it something that happens when you grow older, I don’t remember noticing the prices of everything before buying.

The bill for the repair made on my furnace arrived in the mail. Glad that they will let me make payments. Then over the past couple of weeks I have been having a change with my pain killers and something to help me sleep better. I had to call my doctor and explain that I couldn’t afford the medications. I had to ask him to once again change my medications.

If a person cannot afford something, something like their medications, it could sit on the lowest shelf in the store, but, it would still be inaccessible. I am on assistance from the Provincial Government. I called my pharmacy that I deal with and asked if there were any exemptions available, the reply was, “no”. So, I asked about generic brands, turns out I have the generics. These medications have to be renewed every seven days. For a month of the prescriptions would cost me just under three hundred dollars.

My thoughts have been wandering all over the gambit. Thoughts about what I could change to afford the medications. Thinking about the prices doesn’t inspire a person to write!

I have read many reports about innocent people were given Oxycodone after surgery. They become addicted to the medication, a medication they cannot afford to keep on taking. So they turn to the streets, heroin for it gives the same euphoric high, but the cost is much cheaper.

I read a report about overdoses and how pharmacies are teaching people how to use naloxone, if they have people around them that use needles. The number of overdoses in a day is climbing and the stuff on the street is deadly. You are playing roulette with the stuff.

So, dear reader, this old guy has been wondering what the fix is, a fix to the cost of medications so that they are affordable!

Mental Health on Thin Ice

Howie Mandel

“There isn’t anybody out there who doesn’t have a mental health issue, whether it’s depression, anxiety, or how to cope with relationships. Having OCD is not an embarrassment anymore–for me. Just know that there is help and your life could be better if you go out and seek the help.”

This past several days or week has been one of the most frustrating times I have had to deal with. It just wasn’t one event, but, it was the culmination of several events. My mind was screaming, screaming to take back control.

I have always had great admiration of those who are physically challenged. It has always amazed me when I would watch the Paralympics how the athletes could face the challenge of a ski slope, or play hockey sitting on a type of sled. I am not one of those, but, I have a physical challenge with one leg and hip that does not want to function. It screams every time I have to move it.

Then came a household emergency when my furnace decided to quit working. I had to think fast to find a solution. That emergency will set me back when I have to pay the bill. Also, one more financial stress moment when there was a misunderstanding in regards to a service that is offered, but, is totally an arm of the Provincial Government.

That brings me to last night while I am sitting on the side of my bed talking to my doctor. Talking while in the midst of a total break with tears streaming my down my face. He switched me meds that are meant to handle the pain and also try to give me a better rest when I sleep.

I came to realize this morning that my mental health was on thin ice. Thoughts of going to the emergency to speak with a Mental Health advocate and maybe admitting myself to the mental health ward.

The pressure cooker that I spoke of yesterday, “One of These Days Alice...”. Well that cooker boiled over, and thankfully no harm done. Just a reminder, my mental health needs to be attended to daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly!

So dear reader, take the time to nurture your mental health. Do not wait for a “thin ice” moment to remind you of that fact!

I Can Handle This

 “Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” — Joshua J. Marine”

In the late eighties I was a passenger on a motor bike going home from work. It was a bright August day in Ontario, Canada when the driver rear ended the car in front of us. The impact sent me flying causing me to land on my backside. I couldn’t move and I probably would have been hit by the cars passing by on the highway, but an ambulance stopped to help get me to the side of the road. Another one came placed me on a backboard to transport me to the hospital.

After the usual tests, x-rays and such I was admitted and taken to my room. I really do not remember much of the first night, but on the next morning a nurse was coming into the room with a tray of things. I moved to look at her, I shocked her and she dropped the tray. I asked her what was the matter. She said, “Mr. Bourne I just came from report and it says that you would be a quadra paraplegic”. When the physician came by he explained to me about my back, he told me that everything was ripped away from my spine. He also was amazed that I was moving around.

I told that to say this, it is a scary time again around here the positivity rate of Covid-19 is on the rise. Governments are trying to get a grip on things. I haven’t left my house lately not even for a doctor’s appointment.

I been thinking about an upcoming surgery for a hip replacement. At times I get concerned about it, questions coming to mind, like, “will I be able to walk afterwards?”. Things like that, things for the most part will never happen, so really there is no need to fuss about it.

Faced with a myriad of things sometimes it is difficult to find something positive to fixate on. Bad news seems to permeate from all corners of the world, not much good news out there. Oh, yes, sometimes there may be a story of human interest that makes me feel warm inside, but, they are few and far in between.

So dear reader, I remind myself I have been through some very tough times and lived to tell it about it. So, I will once again make it through to the other end of the tunnel.

I leave you with a final thought. Anne Murray sang a song some time back, “A Little Good News Today”. I have included it here. Hope you enjoy it! It is needed at this time!



“I didn’t want normal until I didn’t have it anymore”
― Maggie Stiefvater,Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception


take care of the head

You may not control all of the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

Maya Angelou

If you listen to any news broadcast you will eventually sense that people’s lives are in chaos.  Others are upset thinking there “freedom rights” are being taken from them.  Protesting about the stay – at – home orders, in some capital cities showing up with firearms.  Everyone feels they have no control in their lives, which at this time, at this place it would sure feel like it.

When I was younger I was a total perfectionist, I wanted everything in order.  I would tell people that “I hate surprises”.  They would happen and I would feel threatened, I would be in a total panic.

Maybe if I would have learned that nothing stays the same, that everything will eventually come around.  It is probably building up in me over many years like a time bomb waiting to explode.  It culminated and time ran out, resulting in an attempted suicide.

I have learned many lessons since then, for example; I am not living to be in a popularity contest.  That was a big weight off my shoulders.  So, as I written before, I have become comfortable in my own skin.

Also, my feeble attempts to think I needed millions in the bank to be happy.  For awhile I did pretty well in my early twenties through to my early thirties.  My problem wasn’t making the money, the problem was I did not know how to handle it properly.  I would spend it as fast as I made it.  I have finally learned how to manage what basic disability income, the result being I don’t jump every time the phone rings thinking it is a bill collector.  Another weight off my shoulder.

Those years to me were so chaotic now that I look back on them.  My life is balanced with the medical help in controlling my bi-polar symptoms.   I now just let life come what may, I can actually go to sleep in a induced calmness, a sleeping pill has that effect.

I do wonder how others are truly coping with all the chaos that seems to be happening at this present moment.  My heart breaks many times when I hear the stories of some from around the world.  Chaos rings out very sharply!

So dear reader, you may not believe this for it may it seem like it will never end, but there will come a brighter morning.  You will come through this and you just might amaze yourself on how well you actually did!



You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”

Timber Hawkeye

Sometimes I find myself thinking of how I was before I saw a psychiatrist and started taking medications to treat me for being bi-polar, it makes shudder.

I truly do not know how I survived throughout that time.  I would become enraged at the most insignificant thing.  I would scream, cry, threaten to move, and on and on and on.  I was a total mess.  There were times I would be up all night sitting at my computer just wasting time, then sleep most of the next day.

I was someone who really was overwhelmed with all types of anxieties.  Never knew when I would have a panic attack, did not know anything about what is called “triggers”.

Everything came to a full blown explosion.  After my grandmother died in 2004 I lost myself overtaken by grief.  It just wasn’t her death, but it was on top of losing my mother four years later.  I started plotting how I would take my life.  I started giving all my food to my best friend.  There was nothing logical about the things I was doing, and to be honest I truly didn’t really care.  After a couple of hours my best friend finally realized what I was planning.  All that I know was a short time later I was being escorted into a police car, on my way to the hospital to be admitted to the Mental Health Ward in the local hospital.

I was like someone who jumped into the wrong end of the pool and finding out you are in over your head.  Now from what I understand is never start flailing your arms around like crazy.  This burns up your energy, the best thing you can do until help arrives is, just tread water.

I really do not have much permanent memories of my first admittance for treatment.  I do remember how I felt.  I was going through the motions, but I was totally disconnected from everything happening around me.

So, now when I start feeling overwhelmed, just stop flailing my arms wasting my energy.  I just need to just tread water until help arrives!



We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness.

I have been having what I call “brain aches”.  It feels like some wires are not connected properly.  I can be listening to something but if you asked me what was said I would tell you I haven’t a clue.

My usual excuse would be blame it on the medications.  But I wake up and still feel like this.  I have to think what tv programs did I listen to the night before, I just cannot remember.

I find myself frustrated, cranky, and all that goes with those two things.  I truly cannot put my finger on the issue, yet I know somewhere deep there must be one.

If I feel this way, what does the person who has not been able to work at his/her job feel like.  They have to put food on the table, keep a roof above their heads.  Their level frustration must be at eleven!

Then their are all those who are grieving but cannot give their loved one a proper home going.  How must they feel?  I can imagine the utter hopelessness they must be experiencing through everything.  It truly breaks this heart of mine.

So, this fifty-eight year old former pastor prays that there will be a relief in the near future soon!

Tough Times?


Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash


My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself up when I was knocked down.”– Bob Moore

The last several days have been tough.  It has been hard just to find the effort to get out of bed.  It would have been oh so easy just to stay there.

The clock seemed like it was going slower than usual, the hours felt like they would never change.  Days melted from one into the other.

I give myself mental encouragement chats, sometimes they seem to work, other times they just don’t.

I keep reminding myself I have been through down times before, yet, I somehow found the strength to go through them.  Always keeping in mind some of the lessons that I learned doing so.

Today I decided just to sit at my laptop and summoned all that is within me to write this post.  Finding the courage to keep my thoughts in some logical order, not the chaotic ones I have been having lately.

So, I remind myself today the words of Rev. Robert Schuller, “Tough times never last, tough people do”!

The Unseen Enemy



Photo by Alekon pictures on Unsplash

When you are dealing with an invisible enemy,
use most resources as shield, and a bit as a bait.”  ― Toba Beta, Betelgeuse Incident: Insiden Bait Al-Jauza

It knows no boundaries.

It is equal opportunity. It’s victims come from all classes, races, gender, and age.

It is always there in the shadows waiting to attack another victim.  It moves without sound, not slowed down by walls or windows.

It works hand – in – hand with the grim reaper. He has claimed hundreds of thousands, overwhelming all under-takers.

It also attacks people’s mental health, stress levels have shot up one hundred, fifty times.

It has moved into countries and plans on being a boarder for several years.

Yes, this invisible enemy has been quite busy for several months.  Who is this invisible enemy, none other than Covid-19 virus.

Attention, Get In Line, Please!

Image by Wendy Koon from Pixabay 

If you’re impatient while waiting for the bus, tell yourself you’re doing ‘Bus waiting meditation.’ If you’re standing in a slow line at the drugstore, you’re doing ‘Waiting in line meditation.’ Just saying these words makes me feel very spiritual and high-minded and wise.

Gretchen Rubin

I spoke with my aunt today, we talking about different things when shopping for groceries came up.  She told me that she went to go shopping and the line was longer than the building.  She just turned around and went home, had her son do the shopping for her.

I know that in certain stores where I live limit the number of people who go in.  Tomorrow I plan on doing grocery shopping.  I will go at the early hour that is only for seniors to avoid lineups.

If I thought that there was going to be a lineup like the one my aunt experienced I just may turn around and head for home. There are times I can be impatient, so I hope that this will not be the case when shopping.  Lineups like those on Boxing Day I try to avoid.  I tried to shop one Boxing Day, I have never tried to do that again.

So, this is one shopper that will be praying for patience when shopping!

I Will Not Panic, That’s My Final Answer!


“Being under stress is like being stranded in a body of water. If you panic, it will cause you to flail around so that the water rushes into your lungs and creates further distress. Yet, by calmly collecting yourself and using controlled breathing you remain afloat with ease.”
― Alaric Hutchinson,Living Peace: Essential Teachings for Enriching Life

I know, it is easy and almost a cop-out to tell someone “Don’t Panic”.  For something that this writer doesn’t understand but by telling a person that it seems to heighten their panic.

Along with panic there is a close relative emotion that tags along, frustration.  It is almost unavoidable these days not to feel frustration, not to panic realizing that the rent is due this week.

Now mix in insomnia and you have a disaster looking for a place to happen.  Trying to force yourself to go to sleep in the meanwhile images of all the bills that need to be paid but the bank account tells you that you are overdrawn.

No matter who you speak with you can definitely hear the frustration and panic in their voice.  A neighbor is somewhat like me, not going out in hesitation worrying about covid-19.  

Yet, I need to go grocery shopping this week so that the cupboards do not start looking bare.  At least if I go to the big “W” I can go during the first hour that is reserved for seniors, or those who have compromised immune systems. I won’t decide until the very last minute whether I go or have my best friend do my shopping.

So, I all can do in this time and space is to tell myself “Don’t Panic”!



One of the major sources of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness comes from feeling as if your life is out of control.

— David Cottrell

In an news article found at: 1130 City News wrote about that the Canadian Mental Health Association is telling the feds that there could be an “echo pandemic” of mental illness.  The article gave a summary about the article, it listed three things.

  1. The CMHA is calling on the federal government for more funding to help people struggling with mental health issues
  2.  Association says feds need to help Canadians struggling now, before problem gets worse after COVID-19
  3.  If funding doesn’t come through, CMHA fears an ‘echo pandemic’ of mental health after the health crisis ends

I have paid attention to some interviews that the news has picked up from people who are keeping video diaries during this shutdown.  They all spoke about the anxiety they are feeling.

Some are expressing how they feel helpless because they cannot be with a family member or a friend during their dying hours.

It is a frightening thing to have feelings of not being in control.  Nerves become frayed, tempers flare, depression sets in, all manner of anxieties enters your life.  Physical and emotional abuse ticks up in calls to authorities.

Of what I understand here in Canada the government has already planned for four months of restrictions in place.  In America people are protesting the stay-at-home orders.

When I was living in Toronto that’s when things went spiraling out of control.  My doctor prescribed Prozac, which left me feeling numb.  I was a mess, living but not feeling.

When I first started having panic attacks I still can remember how I felt like everything was out of control.  This lead to my attempted suicide. 

I have no suggestions on how to handle the feeling of being out of control.  Circumstances widely vary from person to person, house to house.

So, all that I can do is brace for a long ride into fall!

There Is Always Hope!


Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. Desmond Tutu

Hope Quotes

My story is true, almost unbelievable, yet nevertheless true.  It is the marvelous journey of my paternal grandfather.

There probably not many who can say this, I watched my grandfather go to school.

My grandfather went through at the time was ground breaking.  He had to have brain surgery.  This was back in the late fifties or early sixties.  During the surgery he died.  However, they were able to revive him.  

This is where I can remember the rest of this story.

I do not ever recall my grandfather speaking fluent English.  The surgery and the death left him pretty much a blank slate.  So, he had to learn to speak again, then he had to go back to school to learn to read and write.

When we went to visit he would call my dad, he called him Micky.  He would be excited and he would pull out paper to show what he had done in school.  It truly was something to see him be so excited.  Sometimes though he could not find the correct words, so every once in a while he would blurt ‘gd’ (I am using the short form).

This crisis we are going through is taking an extreme toll on people’s ability to have hope.  Everyone asking the same question, “when can we come out of our houses”.

I shared my grandfather’s journey to let everyone know, “There is always hope”!

Normal, What’s That?


The problem of living is at bottom an economic one. And this alone is bad enough, even in a period of so-called “normalcy.” But living has been considerably complicated of late in various ways – by war, by questions of personal liberty, and by “menaces” of one kind or another. Votes: 3

Benton MacKaye

The latest catch phrase is “the new normal“.  Experts on news shows say we will never go back to “normal“.  For some that is frightening, for they need the old normal, structure, schedules, deadlines, etc., I have heard opinions about the reason why prisoners when released back into society and re-offend.  They offer the opinion that some of those are use to the structure of prison life.  They have no skills in coping in a fast paced society.

Now everyone has a different normal.  Mine has changed over the years, some for good, others for the frustration.  I have heard it said that people starting out in the workforce will probably change their career at least two times.

I am not sure what my normal will look like after this turbulent times.  Maybe, I am worrying for naught, I will see.

I realize for those who are bi-polar like me sometimes the unknown can cause anxiety.  In my past things unknown was trouble, I would get jumpy, irritable, almost angry to where I would want to lash out.  It was during these times when a relationship with someone would go up in flames.

So, I hope that when the “new normal” arrives it better come with a handbook!

Familiar Things


It’s wrong to become a bully yourself or to take it out on other people, and in my case, I just retreated to a place where I was safe. And that place was my imagination, books, and television. Paul Dini
Read more at Retreat to Safe Places

Today I wanted to be around some things that felt familiar, things that made me feel warm inside, made me feel safe.  Places I was comfortable in.

Growing up my one place that made me feel safe, comfortable, warm, was my grandmothers place.  I always knew that I was welcomed, knew there was always someone to support me.

Today, like so many, this holiday feels like there is something missing.  At my home church every Good Friday, for as long as my memory takes me, there would be special music guests, and maybe a special speaker.  There would be two services with lunch in between.

What’s missing for me today are those type of moments, moments that you cherish the rest of your living days.  Days full of laughter, food, music, and enough pictures to fill several albums.

I can probably guess that I am not the only one in the world who is feeling sort of empty.  Easter for many in the world is a day of rejoicing.  Yet, the rejoicing today feels hollow without others to join in the event.

My most favorite memory of my grandmother is that every once in awhile she would say, “let’s go for a piece of pie and a coffee”.  It was rather nice to go to town and find a small cafe, order a piece of pie and coffee, then just sit there enjoying the moment.

It, sure would be nice to hear those words, drive to a cafe, order a piece of apple pie and coffee.  Just to sit talking with someone and soaking in the warmth of the moment!

Taking A Deep Breath…

lake-landscape-1512925858oteThe Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 
enjoying one moment at a time; 
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; 
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next. 

reinhold niebuhr (1892-1971)

I woke up this morning with this prayer on my mind.  So, I decided to post it for I feel it speaks to the times we are living.

I have no power to change what is happening, so I must just relax.

I need to learn just to live one day at time.

I am trying to accept these hard times so that I can find peace during them.

Those are just some added thoughts that I am feeling at this moment.

So dear reader, maybe you do not believe in prayer, but maybe try to find a way to apply the perspectives found in the Serenity Prayer.

For all the rest I would encourage you to stop and say the Serenity Prayer.  I hope in doing so that you will find peace flow throughout you today!

Take Time To Smell The Roses!


Getting lost in the ‘big picture’ often prevents us from cherishing the ‘small moments’ that make it all worthwhile…”
― J.R. Wirth   Smell The Roses

On my laptop I have my screen change pictures randomly, today the picture above flashed on my screen.  This is what inspired me to write this post.

I find myself at times being sucked into the abyss called “Covid-19”.  It permeates all facets in the media, t.v., newspapers, online, and there is probably other venues that escapes me at the moment.

For many they have been cut off from the physical support, the one on one socializing.  For a senior person they may only have a landline phone to connect them to family, friends. A neighbor is staying with his mother so that she will not be alone at this critical time.

As I am writing this post I find myself thinking about some great memories that brings a warmth, a smile, and contentment.  Memories like when my daughter was born how that I held her even before they bathed her after the birth.  Watching a friend who I asked if he would like to hold her, watching tears flow freely down his face as he held my daughter.

I have been finding myself thinking about green grass, flowers, vegetable gardens, all things to ease the uneasiness that overtakes me at times.

Seeing a post from Chelsea sharing a picture of her baby boy.  How it brought a smile to my face.  Somehow babies seem to do this for me.  How simple their world is, their only concerns are being fed, kept dry, and feeling love that bonds them to mother, father, siblings, and grandparents.

I am finding some escape by watching one of my favorite channels, Discovery Science. Being amazed at the wonderful universe we are part of.  The majesty that is planet earth as seen from outer space.

So, dear reader if you are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, depressed by the current situations, I encourage you to stop, take time to enjoy the pleasures that are all around.

Stop, Smell The Roses!

Giving A Different Perception


The greatest tragedy for any human being is going through their entire lives believing the only perspective that matters is their own. – Doug Baldwin Perspective

The old idiom says, “…till you walk a mile in my shoes”.  Maybe that sounds quaint but it really says a lot.

I have learned that criticizing someone is so easy.  Words gush out of the mouth before the brain is engaged.  I try very hard to put myself in other’s situation.  I ask myself what would I do if I faced the same thing.

Sometimes I find myself looking back towards the human history.  It is the same thing for me facing this critical time in the world.

Growing up I had a perception of polio.  Why, I had an aunt who contracted polio which caused her to limp.

In high school history the Spanish Flu of 1917-18 how it killed millions.  History tells us that people were totally afraid of coming down with it. So afraid they boarded up their windows, locked themselves in their homes.  Some reports in Britain says on some streets every home on it had experienced of someone dying from the flu.

I think I understand those who are in the millennial era their fear.  Recent history the world has faced SARS, MERS, H1N1, and the most feared one was the outbreak of the Ebola virus.

I look back at my own history where I have faced being a  quadriplegic after a motor bike accident, several hospitalization with pneumonia, and one case of Sepsis (infection enters the blood stream).  The latter caused me from what I was told like someone with dementia.

I am not sure who said this, “be thankful there probably someone else is in a worse situation”.  I truly believe that.

So, I would encourage you dear reader to try to look at this crisis with a different perception!

Crisis Critical – Covid – 19


“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.”
― Fred Rogers,The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

It is my understanding the stress of how to pay the bills the lack of money is probably the number one cause of domestic violence.

In these desperate times it is a fair guess that on every person around the world are stressed about their money situation.

When I was seventeen I had a job working in an orchard.  They were long days but at least it was a job.  I had just bought my first car a 1973 Ford Pinto Station Wagon.  I was putting a lot of miles driving back and forth from where I was living.

I decided to move into my first place an apartment over a bank in the next town from where I was working.  So, I move in furnished with bits and pieces family had that I could use.

Now comes the bad part.  I picked up my grandmother to go grocery shopping with me.  I picked up what I thought I would need to get me through the next two weeks.  I was a happy camper until I went to the cashier.  She put everything through, gave me the total.  I looked at my wallet to pay for the groceries and when it was all done I had very little extra.  I stood there in line crying.

My daughter was born in 1985 and we were living in a very small one bedroom apartment.  Times were tough for me for finances were thin.  There were times when it came down to buying baby formula or putting gas in the tank.  The baby’s needs always took priority.

I realize and understand the pressures that are felt when we are stressed about our financial needs.  Here in Canada there are some relief measures taking place.  They are expecting over three million people to put in a claim this next week.  Adults that qualify will receive five hundred dollars a week.  That is not much when you have rent or a mortgage to pay.

A cold chill comes over me when I think of what type of stories we will hear a month from now when the relief finances are just not enough.  The Canadian Government has set this up for at least four months.

So, dear reader, I am not sure what may happen but I have a feeling were are in this for a protracted period of time.

I will be praying for our country, our continent, our world, as we move forward.

A Re-blog: Discouraged and Falling Apart — R-E-A-

I just had to share this here on my blog.

This post written by a young lady, Tina, (R.E.A.L. – Fighting 4 Authenticity was written honestly with great emotions. I feel you just may relate to her feelings about this very hard time we all are experiencing.

Tears. More tears. Over and over this happens. The days drag on and run together. The sadness, the confusion, the anger. I’ve felt more anger in the last few weeks than in the prior I-don’t-even-know-how-long.

via Discouraged and Falling Apart — R-E-A-L

Conquer or Surrender


Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional. -Roger Crawford


At this time everyone is facing great challenges.  Every challenge is unique therefore it requires an unique plan to face it.

I have faced many challenges, sometimes I think that it is more than one person deserves.  I have broken bones, recovered from a motorbike accident as a passenger, loss of loved ones, marriages that have fallen apart.  

I look back on all of them and wonder how I made it through some of them.  I did hit a brick wall, a wall the crashed on me with my mental health.  For that challenge I decided not to conquer but, rather I surrendered to it.  My answer was attempted suicide by taking an overdose of sleeping pills.

I know now that lashing out in anger that is destructive, I have learned to channel my anger to achieve constructive results.  The former saw me burn relationships that could never be repaired.  The latter, I now explain the action that angered me, it is not directed to a person.  No name calling, no shaming, etc.,

Now, that doesn’t mean when I am challenge that I lay down like a door mat to be walked on.  It means I have learned in a constructive way when something, someone, has crossed boundaries.

So, once again I have to summon all that I have learned, focus on the situation, conquer the situation, and do not surrender to it!

Small World Isn’t It?


“We live in a small world, and we all are affected by everything that happens everywhere. And to look at it less selfishly, we also need to be grateful for the luck of where we’re born and how we ended up where we ended up.” ~ Natalie Portman

Small World Quotes

I am old enough to remember that news from across the globe took some time.  Some reached Canada, The United States from journalists embedded with the troops in Vietnam, or by phone from a journalist in an embassy in China and other countries.

Global trading was a small part of our supply chain.  Now automobiles are made with three or more countries involved.  It seems like only seconds for news from countries like China reaches the shores of North and South America.

Now we have several options of communicating with our friends and loved ones.  There is the traditional snail mail, phone call,  then email came on the scene, now with video and software like Skype everyone can do face to face chatting.

This pandemic has reminded me how interconnected we truly are to each other.  Our dependence of a country on a country clear across the ocean.  Financials are also interwoven, even before Wall Street rings the opening bell financiers already now if the market will be up or down because the Futures forecast.

Now with self – imposed isolating the world gets much much smaller.  Countries like Italy imposing a national quarantine leaving only the markets, pharmacies, and banks opened.

It is a small world that we can feel someone else’s pain and discomfort through mediums like WordPress without every meeting face to face with that individual.

So, with this song going through my mind is how I will close this post with the lyrics to this great Disney hit!

It's a Small World

Disneyland Chorus
It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

There is just one moon And one golden sun
And a smile means
Friendship to ev'ryone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all

How To Face A Crisis?


I’ve been in crisis situations, I’ve been down, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been behind on the scorecards, and I’ve had to pull that shot out to knock somebody out. I’ve been in all kinds of situations and still come out on top. Tyson Fury
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/crisis-quotes

Unless you have been living in a cave in a far away desert you then have been hearing of the world pandemic of the corona virus.  The news seems so grim, the numbers keep ticking upward.  As of this post there are eight hundred forty nine confirmed cases in the United States.  By the way, Canada the country I live in is not immune either. We now have had one death in the province of British Columbia.

All of this had me reflecting on some of the crisis’s I have faced.  Motorcycle accident, attempted suicide, diagnosed bi-polar.  Plus several close family passing away.

The morning after the motorbike accident I was in my hospital room when the morning nurse came in.  She was carrying a tray with some things on it.  Of course I moved to see who it was. The tray hit the floor and her face looked like she had just seen a ghost.  I asked here what the problem was.  She called me Mr. (last name) I just came from reports, she said I was diagnosed that I would be a quadriplegic.  Many days later I walked out of the hospital under my own strength.

The morning after my attempted suicide the nurse talked to me and told how co-operative I was when they were getting me to drink “charcoal” fluid.  It has something to do with counter acting the sleeping pills. 

I could go on a write several more points of crisis that I have faced. But, this post is not about my times of crisis.

Everyone reacts differently in the times of crisis.  Some respond by acting detached from the situation.  Some go about like there is a three alarm fire happening, others just cry.

How we handle a crisis, I believe, tells us something about who we are.  Not that were good or bad, but if we can find it within us the strength to battle the crisis, coming out stronger on the other side.  Or like me decide that taking my own life was the answer to my crisis at the time.

I here about those in the United States who will not have sick leave pay, no health care insurance, and definitely cannot even manage a crisis of four hundred dollars. 

Will there be panic on the streets, people running to hoard whatever the safety masks, other things like food, water, medicine, if there is a total quarantine like the one imposed on the Nation of Italy.

So, I cannot do much as one person.  I do not have mountains of wealth to give to a cause, not able to volunteer to help at a crisis center.  What I do have is, empathy, sympathy, and yes, the breath to say a prayer for those in crisis!

It Takes Guts!


“It takes guts to get out of the ruts.” ~ Robert H. Schuller

This morning I really didn’t want to leave the cozy warm comfortable bed.  If you can believe it we had snow yesterday and it continues, yuck.  The end of September and snowing.  Of course in Saskatchewan, Canada if you don’t like the weather wait five minutes and it will change.  I had to get up and moving this morning for I had an appointment with my podiatrist.

I realise there are mornings like that with every one, mornings where you want to stay in place but you have to work so that you can put a roof above your head and food on the table.  

Now add in a dose of mental health issues and you have a much different picture.  Depression, anxiety attacks, plus many more, all which can leave you totally frozen petrified in place.  You are almost queasy, legs of rubber  just the thought of going out among people.

So, that was me this morning dreading having to be out in the snow, slush, and puddles of water.  Yet, I finally put my feet on the floor, did my medication routine, showered, dressed and went to my appointment.

If you are dealing with mental health issues, or maybe know someone who is and they are at least functionally, you are someone, or looking at someone who has alot of guts!