Battered Men and Abused

Trigger Warning: This post contains subjects and issues that may be upsetting to some.

This is another issue that is included in the group “Mental Health”. It has been my feeling that this has been kept in a dark closet. We always hear about the abuse of woman and children, but I thought this needed to be explored.


Help For Men Who Are Being Abused

Help Guide Org., states that men being abused happens more often than you would expect.

They go on to say that domestic abuse may not be physical. It could also be verbal and emotional.

  • Domestic abuse may not be physical
  • Could also be verbally and emotional
  • Partners whether they be heterosexual or same sex, become possessive, act jealous or harass with accusations of being unfaithful
  • Verbal abuse by belittling or humiliate in front of friends, colleagues, family, or on social media
  • Threaten to leave you and prevent you from seeing your kids if you report the abuse.

The Mayo Clinic defines domestic violence against men as such:

“Domestic violence — also known as intimate partner violence — occurs between people who are or have been in a close relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse, stalking and threats of abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control his or her partner.”


WebMD reports more than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year.

Jan Brown the executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for men says,

Domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength. It’s about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man.

She also goes on to say in the article, “There are more than 4,000 domestic violence programs in the U.S., but very few actually offer the same services to men as they do women.”

So dear reader, the issue is hard to read, but recognizing abuse happens to both men, women, and the hardest issue, child abuse.

The Interview With Big General

When I contacted Big General I didn’t have any foreknowledge of who he was or what he was liked.

The interview started days before I wrote the post “Calling All Minds” . So, for those who submitted questions for me to use in future interviews, I was not able to make use of the questions.

Big General I believe is by far the youngest person I have interviewed. His answers are written with thoughtfulness.

Here is his interview:

  1. In a couple of paragraphs please tell the readers about yourself.

I’m a 23-year-old male who was born in Zimbabwe but moved to the United Kingdom from the age of 10 till now. I’m in my second year studying Sports science in university. I am a sports fan who enjoys watching and playing football(soccer). My favorite football team is Manchester City football club. I speak two languages English and Shona (Zimbabwean language). In my spare time I blog on WordPress.

2. I looked for your bio but could not find one. Please tell the readers why not?

That’s a great question. The reason why I have nothing on my blog bio is because I wanted to make a blog that just provided content without the audience truly knowing who I was leaving it to be a mystery. It made it easier for me to get into blogging without a bio because it allowed me to do it with no pressure of how I was going to tell people about myself in the blog bio. I am naturally an introvert, so I always shy away from letting people know things about myself. Not having a bio gave me the courage and freedom to just express myself with no one knowing who was behind the blog when they read my bio.

3. There are many human values, which value do you consider to be the one that guides you?

I think love guides me the most because “love conquers all”.

4. Why did you start to use WordPress?

I started to use Word Press around October 2019 for the purpose to blog about match analyses for football games as a hobby since I loved learning about football tactics and game plans I thought it would be a great platform to use. I chose WordPress after searching so many blogging platforms because it was free and easy to use compared to other platforms plus it was ranked in the top 3 best blogging platforms for anyone to use. With the free set up it was easy for me to start out blogging because WordPress could set everything up all I had to do was just pick a basic theme then get straight to writing without worrying about things to add.

5. Is there a main goal that you want to reach within the WordPress community?

My main goal in the WordPress community is to provide positive content that can make people feel good, help, laugh and learn things that can help them in their lives in some shape or form.

6. Do you have challenges within your mental health?  If so, please tell the readers of what it is?

The two biggest challenges within my mental health I battle with are depression and addiction.

7. Following the above question, how do you handle the challenges?  Also, how do you handle stress?

With depression I try to use exercise to battle it by going to the gym or doing any form of hard physical exercise nearly every day. With addiction I try to keep myself active by carrying out busy working schedule of consistently having to do things to keep my mind preoccupied. With stress I try to change scenery by going outside more and avoid staying in because it just makes it worse the more time I sit at home.

8. If you were given the ability to speak to your younger self, what would you say?

I love that question I would not say much to my younger self but tell him to be positive. It would not be meant to change anything but to make him understand that there is no answer to life all he can do is stay positive because anything else will not that important because life has more control than my young self would have. That is mostly what I would say to my younger self.

9. Let us reverse the above question. What would you say to an older self?

To my older self I would say you do more meaningful things that have nothing to do with myself such as help the world in any type of form whether helping people, donating money to charities, aid and assist in any ways I can with no return. Lastly, I would say work on self-improvement in all aspects of my life.

10. Are you a reader, and if so what is your favorite genre?  Do you have a favorite author?

I’m not much of a reader so it’s hard for me to name a genre or an author.

11. What is your favorite music genre?

My favorite genre is any music with singing such as soul music, reggae, pop etc. If it has a meaning or message I’m down to listen.

12. Do you have heroes?  Who are they and why?

I have many heroes to name but one that comes to mind is Muhamad Ali. What made him my hero is for so many things. Firstly, his determination in the ring was so phenomenal he had a no quit attitude that was so crazy that he would literally risk dying in the ring to not surrender by just taking a beating while he was leaning on the ropes with his hands up. It fascinates me how the mind is so powerful if you have belief you can overcome any obstacle which looks impossible.

Besides boxing he was into philanthropy, humanitarianism and politics at a time where most black athletes would not even think of stepping outside their sport to help others. His love for all humanity was so amazing that people from all different races would even call him “the world’s greatest”. He inspires me in all types of ways.

13. Finally, what advice would you give to a person who is thinking about blogging?

My advice for anyone thinking about blogging is simple just follow your heart it is always right everything else will come as long as you follow your heart.

A Reblog: Men and Depression — Wakiza feeds

Depression is an intense feeling of sadness that lasts for a long time, sometimes weeks, months or years. If you are depressed, it can start to interfere with your day-to-day life, well being and physical health. Men may not recognize they have depression. If they do acknowledge it to themselves, they are often reluctant to talk […]

via Men and Depression — Wakiza feeds

Things I Wish My Father Would Have…

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: Zachrie Friesen

“Teaching a boy to be a man is the primary job of a father.”―

Clayton Lessor MA, LPC

With all the racial tension happening around the world I find the most shocking is when a black parent talks about having “the talk” with their son.  The talk from what I garner is about how to act if pulled over by the police. I find it heart breaking that a parent must make a point of it for the fear their son may not make it home at night otherwise.

It has made me think about my relationship with my own father.  In his own finite way he tried to teach me some things. It usually ended up with him becoming angry and calling me names.  Eventually I would just stay clear of him, in high school I would make sure he had already left in the morning, I would not come home until I knew he would be in bed.

There are many things I wish my father would have had a conversation with me about.

*For the ladies this post might seem it is not relevant to you. I feel that it is, it can be something you can speak to your partner about if and when you have a son*

  • Mothers teach their daughters about feminine hygiene when they enter puberty. I wish my father would have explained to me about the changes in my body entering puberty.  Hygiene is one of those, the other is the effect of what testosterone does to the male body and the emotions.
  • That the words “sex” and “love” are not interchangeable.  That sex is a bi-product of love between a couple. 
  • In marriage what to expect during the honeymoon, then how to keep the love alive afterwards.
  • That a woman after the birth of child is really not in the mood to take care of you acting like a spoiled child.
  • The basics of shaving when a beard starts to appear.  I learned how to shave by trial and error.

So dear reader those are some things I wish my father would have told me about.

Mens Mental Health – Myths

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A real man ain’t a coward, he stands by what he says, admits his faults, and corrects his mistakes.    

Kiki Strack

Starting with this post I will be exploring Mens Mental Health from time to time.  For this post I want to take a look at myths about men.

Myths:

  • Big boys don’t cry – I read somewhere that crying is a release of our pent up frustrations. It is a release of all thing toxic.  Maybe if men would allow themselves to cry there wouldn’t be outbursts of rage.
  • Men Don’t Show Emotions – God forbid if a man was to place a hand on the shoulder of someone hurting, or if they were to hug a man who is in need of comforting.  I cannot recall one instance where my father ever showed a compassionate side towards me. Never once spoke the words to me, “I Love you”. I say that every time I talk to my daughter, grandchildren, and other.  The only emotion that they are comfortable showing is anger.
  • Men don’t talk to their sons about sex. Instead they have the attitude of “let them learn it like I did, on the streets.  Could it be that maybe what their sons are learning on the streets is the cause for many of them to become abusive emotionally and physically to women. Men you need to talk openly and honestly about sex, what it is and what it is not. My father never once talked to me concerning puberty, sex, etc.,

There are probably many more myths about what a real man is. But, the myths must be taken down, stripped away, to allow real men to step forward.

So dear reader if you know of a myth about real men please bring it to my attention using the comment section.