My best friend and I have this ongoing debate about people dreaming. He states, “everybody dreams”, my reply, “I don’t dream”. He tells me that I must dream, it is just that I do not remember them. I am not sure which is factual.
When I was about fourteen I did have a dream, a dream to be able to travel as a musician for an itinerant preacher. I saw that dream come true just before my eighteenth birthday. I was elated for I was able to see most of my home country of Canada and many parts of the United States. It didn’t cost me a penny, but rather a weekly salary.
I do believe dreams is what keeps us moving forward in life. Dreams of having a great career, a wonderful marriage and then a terrific family. Without them we would lose our zest for life and truly no meaningful reason to put our feet on the floor every morning.
Now I look forward to seeing the dreams of my grandchildren unfold during the pre-teen lives. One in hockey and two girls who excel in dance. Watching them grow into fine young people. Yes, it is those three children that gives me a reason to get of my bed every day.
To quote Shakespeare, maybe out of context:
“To be, or not to be – that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune …
“…’Tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep — To sleep – perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub, For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil…”
Have you ever had a pair of jeans that you just hate to put in the trash bin. I mean you have them broke in, comfortable, soft, and yes, almost down to nothing but white thread. Holes in the knees and other places that your mom says is disgraceful. Habits are like those pair of jeans.
I remember hearing someone talk about you can tell how an adult was raised by watching what they do after a meal. If they are full of energy, it probably means after a meal their mother more than likely sent them outside to play. The other scenario is after a meal the adult wants to lay down and take a nap. It goes without saying that their mother probably had them take a nap after their meal.
With my dealing of being bi-polar I have had to deal with some of my old habits. Negative thinking, procrastination, thinking about what it is like to be dead, all those and a multitude of more. I am the first to admit I am a fifty-seven year old man who is set in his ways and I do not like change.
To deal with those old nasty, musty smelling habits you must commit yourself to change. Change should mean progression, new attitude and outlook on life around you. Not holding onto the pass, but trying to look ahead with the effort of moving forward.
The best place to start with old habits is taking those old pair of jeans and placing them in the trash can!
I have been thinking about this post for several days. I hope I can put it in writing like I am hearing it in my mind.
There are names that when they are mentioned you have a distinct definition of what they are. Cancer, Diabetes, Arthritis, Blindness, all these we at least have a general knowledge about them. All of them can be shown in x-rays, bloodwork, and other detection methods.
However, mention the term ‘bi-polar’ most are not sure exactly what it is. For others they seem to have an image that is totally wrong. Bi-polar is a distinct as the person who is suffering with it. It is a disease that as of this moment does not show on a x-ray, or under a microscope in a blood test.
Bi-polar does not define who I am. I am more than the disease, I am male, fifty-seven years old, and has various interests ranging from Gospel Music to Sherlock Holmes. I am a father of a daughter, a grandfather to three grandchildren.
It does not determine my future, nor keep me trapped in the past, for I determine my day by placing my feet on the floor each and every morning when I awake.
I would like to challenge every reader to define yourself, do not let the disease difine you!
I feel most people would agree that we all need a purpose to be able every morning to get up out of bed and place our feet on the floor every day of our life.
Depression in my situation took away my purpose, I felt so empty. At one time I started planning a suicide by giving away my groceries to my best friend. I just did not have a reason to go on any longer. Once again I find myself back in treatment for my bout of depression.
I have moved past those days finding myself on the road to recovery. I have a purpose to get out of bed. That being my daughter and my grandchildren. I love hearing all about their lives and always wait for news that they are coming for a visit. The grandchildren are growing into fine young adults. I enjoy my conversations with them they keep me laughing and feeling young again.
However, I have found a new purpose to put my feet on the floor. That being writing posts for my blog. I wrote about a new perception, but this is a new energy that I am experiencing. Oh, I know that it may be that I am on a manic high, no matter what it is I love how I am feeling.
Maybe, you are one who is looking for a purpose, mine came so unexpectling all from starting to write about my struggles as a man who is bi-polar. Al I can say to encourage you is this, keep trying to move forward. You may take two steps forward, one step back but at least you are in motion.
My purpose found new excitement so yours maybe just around the next corner, the next day. Just keep moving!