It has been a couple of days since I sat down and wrote anything. I just needed to replenish my inner being. For the longest time now I have practised not watching news channels on the weekend. I had already pulled the plug on other social platforms. Now I am trying to unplug, or at least cut down on my television viewing. It is a habit that has really taken control since I was limited on any physical motions.
Saturday was great less t.v. and more blog reading which was fantastic. Sunday the phone rings, it is my daughter calling saying she and the grandchildren were on their way to pay a visit. I always look forward to their visits. So, their visit helped boister my ambition to curb the tube watching.
Their orginal visit was to be on Father’s Day but due to one of the kids being sick it was put off for a later time. Well, I was totally surprised when I was handed a box which contained a picture of the grandchildren on a canvas backing. I was also given a CD of a singer I enjoy because of his music reminds of some of the greats like Sinatra. So, yesterday, Monday I put it in the CD player, sat back and played Mahjong and totally went to a relaxing time. It set in motion my mood for the rest of the day.
I just came in from going for a longer walk with my best friend and my dog. Oh, how it felt so great to spend some time in the fresh summer air with the warm sun hitting my face.
I would invite you to try and unplug from all the outside influence from television to social media. Take time to enjoy family, friends, and the great outdoors. It will do your inner man a world of good.
I have been thinking about this post for several days. I hope I can put it in writing like I am hearing it in my mind.
There are names that when they are mentioned you have a distinct definition of what they are. Cancer, Diabetes, Arthritis, Blindness, all these we at least have a general knowledge about them. All of them can be shown in x-rays, bloodwork, and other detection methods.
However, mention the term ‘bi-polar’ most are not sure exactly what it is. For others they seem to have an image that is totally wrong. Bi-polar is a distinct as the person who is suffering with it. It is a disease that as of this moment does not show on a x-ray, or under a microscope in a blood test.
Bi-polar does not define who I am. I am more than the disease, I am male, fifty-seven years old, and has various interests ranging from Gospel Music to Sherlock Holmes. I am a father of a daughter, a grandfather to three grandchildren.
It does not determine my future, nor keep me trapped in the past, for I determine my day by placing my feet on the floor each and every morning when I awake.
I would like to challenge every reader to define yourself, do not let the disease difine you!
My life is pretty vanilla in that I don’t have much excitement each day. My day to day life is predictable.
While in treatment you soon learned a daily routine. Meals were at set times, you were expected to be out of bed have breakfast. Somewhere between breakfast and the first group take a shower then get dressed.
Groups were at set times in the schedule. The only thing that would change from day to day was the subject matter.
The scheduled events of the day were to give you a sense of direction. Planning was the key.
At home in my day to day routine I try to stay on track. Take medications roughly at the same time, going to bed takes on a definite pattern. All of this keeps me from acting eracticly. Even shopping, doctor appointments, I plan them carefully. One reason is so that I do not over due causing tiredness which triggers panic attacks.
I cannot say whether this method would work for others, but, for me keeps me on track. It gives me a feeling of normalacy.
It is the same dull routine, but I guess I love it.
I feel most people would agree that we all need a purpose to be able every morning to get up out of bed and place our feet on the floor every day of our life.
Depression in my situation took away my purpose, I felt so empty. At one time I started planning a suicide by giving away my groceries to my best friend. I just did not have a reason to go on any longer. Once again I find myself back in treatment for my bout of depression.
I have moved past those days finding myself on the road to recovery. I have a purpose to get out of bed. That being my daughter and my grandchildren. I love hearing all about their lives and always wait for news that they are coming for a visit. The grandchildren are growing into fine young adults. I enjoy my conversations with them they keep me laughing and feeling young again.
However, I have found a new purpose to put my feet on the floor. That being writing posts for my blog. I wrote about a new perception, but this is a new energy that I am experiencing. Oh, I know that it may be that I am on a manic high, no matter what it is I love how I am feeling.
Maybe, you are one who is looking for a purpose, mine came so unexpectling all from starting to write about my struggles as a man who is bi-polar. Al I can say to encourage you is this, keep trying to move forward. You may take two steps forward, one step back but at least you are in motion.
My purpose found new excitement so yours maybe just around the next corner, the next day. Just keep moving!
For whatever be the knowledge which we are able to obtain of God, either by perception or reflection, we must of necessity believe that He is by many degrees far better than what we perceive Him to be. Origen Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/perception
In the past two weeks I posted more posts than I usually do in a whole year. One reason being is back pain. For almost a year I was wearing a back brace and finding no true relief of the agonizing pain. On May 31 of this year I received cortisone shots in my back. For the first time that I can recall I woke up the next morning placed my feet on the floor and experienced no pain whatsoever.
It is amazing how something like pain can alter your peception. Things like stress over finances, a sick child, an elderly parent all can skew one’s perception. A feeling of being overwhelmed leaves one with little hope of moving forward to see the clouds roll back and the sunshine come through.
It is a great feeling to be able to take a walk with my dog, do my own household chores, all that has lifted my perception. A heavy weight feels like it has been lifted from my shoulders.
Nothing else has changed around me, but yet, it feels like I am living a brand new life. The sun feels warmer, the grass greener, and even food tastes a whole lot better.
So, today I am grateful for medical science giving me a new perception on my life.
Job 3:25 MSG 25 The worst of my fears has come true, what I’ve dreaded most has happened.
There are people who have fears including myself. For some it is heights, spiders, water, and many more. There may be reasons for some that has caused those fears. One person I know has a fear of large dogs, the reason being she was bitten as a very young child. For myself it is heights for when I was about ten years old I fell out of cherry tree and broke my left arm in three places.
There is one more fear of mine, that being a falling back into severe depression. I have heard about some that there body becomes immuned to certain medications causing disease to replicate itself within the body.
The depression I experienced robbed me of quality life. Time not spent with interests that I loved, time not spent with family or friends. It stole part of my personality at times feeling like I was just going through the motions of life but not connected to the world around me.
I am just now returning to many interests of mine that I love, reading, music, my dog, etc., Some of these activities lost was also the combined problem of acute pain. So, I try to add one more thing to my daily routine.
The best thing that I have added is writing this blog. I will keep striving to move forward.