Commentary: I Am Not A Woman

This is not a post where I give my approval or disapproval to the issue of abortion. It is a post that I have been giving thought to since yesterday, Friday, morning.

I ask you not to infer one way or the other of where I may stand.


“I recognize no rights but human rights – I know nothing of men’s rights and women’s rights.” ―  Angela Grimke

I am not a woman. I do not have a vagina, nor breasts.

I am not a woman, I will never know the feelings of having a life within me and carry it for nine months. I am not a woman and therefore will never give birth, vaginal or cesarean. I am not a woman and will never breast feed an infant.

I am not a woman, so I will never have a fight with post-partum depression.

I am not a woman and thus I do not know the battle that is called a “period”. Nor will I experience menopause in my later in my life.

I am not a woman and I am physically and emotionally different.

I am not a woman and I see the world with a different pair of eyes.

So, to the men who may read this post, I hope you can understand why woman are hollering at the top of their lungs, “Hands of My Body”!

Social Media; Mass Shooters and Manifestos

We need to start identifying the triggers that aggravate mental health issues in our society – bullying, social media negativity and anxiety, gender based violence, substance abuse, stigma around issues such as maternal issues, etc., and we need to speak up about these more and get to the source of the problems. Sanam Saeed
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/social-media-quotes

Over the past two weeks I have given this much thought. Should social media be required to report any type of postings that could be a perceived manifesto that is suggesting possible threat of harm and injury to one or more persons?

The criminal code of Canada states this:

Uttering threats

  • 264.1 (1) Every one commits an offence who, in any manner, knowingly utters, conveys or causes any person to receive a threat
    • (a) to cause death or bodily harm to any person;
    • (b) to burn, destroy or damage real or personal property; or
    • (c) to kill, poison or injure an animal or bird that is the property of any person.

Over the past several years we have seen social media companies start to act to stem the tide of misinformation. Many fake accounts were closed, others lost their privilege to use the social media platforms.

In a Forbes article it addresses the issue concerning the mass shooter and the posting on his Instagram account.

On Wednesday, authorities in Texas identified Salvador Ramos as the 18-year-old shooter who had opened fire in Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. Ramos, who had killed at least 19 students and two teachers during his shooting spree on Tuesday, had allegedly posted disturbing images online prior to carrying out the senseless attack.

In the same article they write about The New York Attorney General, Letitia James, that she will be investigating social media companies after this last mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas.

It was just last week that New York’s attorney general, Letitia James, announced that her office was investigating social media companies after another mass shooter had used the online platforms to plan, promote and stream a massacre in a Buffalo grocery store that left 10 dead. James said her office would investigate Twitch, 4chan, 8chan and Discord along with other platforms that the shooter used to amplify the attack.

Did someone miss the clues about many mass shooters? Was the writing on the wall? There seems to be a definite pattern for mass shooters announcing their intentions by postings what authorities call, “manifestos”.

Teachers have alerted authorities about students who seem to be fixated on dark violence, either through drawings, writings, or even oral conversations.

William V. Pelfrey, Jr., Ph.D., professor in the Wilder School of Government and Public Affairs at Virginia Commonwealth University. tells Forbes that, “It is impossible to prevent people from making threats online,”

He then continues,, “Yet he suggested that social media organizations do have a moral responsibility to identify and remove threatening messaging.”

This blogger leans to the agreement with the professor. Social media platforms need to step up their monitoring of such posts, take appropriate actions to remove such threats. I can hear somebody arguing that this would infringe of a person’s “free speech”. Is uttering threats “free speech”. It is against the law to holler, “FIRE”, in a movie theatre. One cannot even joke about a bomb on a jet plane.

So dear reader, I ask you, should the social media platforms step up their effort on monitoring these types of postings? I would definitely like to hear your thoughts!

Commentary: When Words Are Not Enough

Dallas News

” I’m sorry for your loss!”

“My condolences!”

“I will be praying for you!”

Once again America is in shock, another mass shooting at an elementary school. Twenty-one lives gunned down, twenty-one persons who will not be at home. All twenty-one were looking forward to the end of the school year this Thursday.

The three above statements are the common responses to the news of a death. Statements that this time seem hollow, they leave our lips in an almost robotic manner.

It is unthinkable that parents have to outlive a child, in the course of life the reverse is what is to be expected. I have seen how the loss of a child affects the parents, the siblings, grandparents, and also friends. I watched my aunt and uncle bury their oldest daughter of eighteen years. They were never the same and the grief tore them apart. They soon found themselves divorced. I was the organist for a funeral of a Pastor and His’ wife as they said their last good-byes to their fifteen year old son. Their grief so heavy they barely could keep themselves from landing in a heap on the church floor.

According to Security.org, they report that there have been ‘304 fatal school shootings and counting”. The numbers leave the mind boggled and in total disbelief.

Even here in my country of Canada were also have seen mass school shootings. According to Global News here is the list of them:

I have omitted the names of the shooters

  • Ecole Polytechnique, Montreal: On Dec. 6, 1989, 25-year-old *shooter’s name omitted”, shot more than two dozen people, killing 14 women before killing himself.
  • Dawson College, Laval, Que: On Sept. 13, 2006, 18-year-old Anastasia De Sousa was killed and 20 others were hurt when gunman *shooter’s name omitted” , 25, opened fire with a semi-automatic weapon. Gill was killed in a police gunfight.
  • W.C. Jeffreys Collegiate Institute, Toronto: On May, 23, 2007, 15-year-old *shooter’s name omitted*, is found in a hallway with single gunshot wound to the chest. He later dies in hospital. Two teens were charged with first-degree-murder and were later acquitted.

So dear reader, if you are a parent with children, may I suggest you give your child a hug and then tell them how much you love them!

Call Out For Young Bloggers

“Blogs are whatever we make them. Defining ‘Blog’ is a fool’s errand.” – Michael Conniff

I would like to put out a call for all young bloggers. Your topic is not important, writing style will not be criticized.

I remember those early days of my blogging. Sometimes I wondered if anyone would ever read anything I posted. So, I would write sporadically. Maybe, once in awhile, I would get a “Like” and even one time someone reblogged a post of mine. I was over the moon for days.

I am thankful for all those who have shared their blogging tips that has helped me along the way. Like, one blogger shared with me how to use “Categories” and “Tags”. It has made a world of difference with my blog.

Then there is also the excitement in those early days for someone to decide to “Follow”. Once more, I would be elated! I still get excited when someone decides to “Follow”!

Now, I want to return the favor! Here’s is what I am looking for:

  • Less than 100 follows
  • Two years or less since the blog started

If you fit this category I would like to hear from you. Or, if you know someone that fits the criteria, please bring them to my attention.

I want to bring a spotlight to these young bloggers. Write about their blog and try to reblog a post from their blog.

So dear reader, I want to hear from you! Your help in bringing young bloggers to my attention is greatly appreciated

Thoughts About My Blog & It’s Evolvement.

Comment on the post “Open For Suggestions” –

Ashley L. Peterson – I’m drawing a bit of a blank, but maybe something about how blogging has evolved for you over the years, and what’s changed or stayed the same?

This post was inspired by the afore comment.

I started this blog after a session of being admitted to the Mental Health Ward here in the city where I live. Every day there was two group sessions. In one session the topic was about “journaling”. It pique my interest and I began to think about it. One suggestion was to write your feelings and if you didn’t want anyone to read it, just tear it up. Others thought they would keep a personal diary or journal. I decided after being discharged I would look into blogging.

So, now I needed a subject to write about, I decided on the topic I knew best, The Bible. My posts were spotty at best. I had no real discipline in posting. Sometimes it would be months before I would post anything. I knew very little about “categories” and “tags”

Somewhere in time I began to think about writing my struggles with my mental health difficulties. I began to talk about my attempted suicide back in the early nineties. I was hospitalized for a week and to be truthful I don’t remember much about that period. Only one thing has remained from that week. It was a movie they had us watch, “Groundhog Day”. To this day it still does not make much sense of the why of watching it.

As I started to write about my experience with depression, then later, the diagnosis of being bi-polar, I realized it was a source of inner acceptance. My writing was very cathartic.

I wrote from my personal experience, but with the thought that, if I was going through this there may also be someone going through a similar experience. I hoped that readers would find that “they are not alone“, they did not have to suffer in silence.

The WordPress Community became to me like an extended family. Family, that shared some common life’s battles, battles in reaching for better mental health.

For this year and going forward, I am not sure what my blog will look like. At times I think it needs a makeover, then there are other times I feel it needs to be more well rounded. I do not hold a degree when it comes to medicine, psychiatry, or sociology.

I would like to go back and have some guest bloggers write for me. I have been giving a thought of borrowing an idea from Ashley L. Peterson(I hope this where I saw this) and shine some light on new bloggers. It would have to come from suggestions by other bloggers.

So dear reader I have given a brief history, my present situation, and the future of where I would like to go with my blog.

Thank you Ashley L. Peterson for your suggestion!

Open For Suggestions!

You may have noticed this week that I have not been writing posts. Instead I have been using motivational messages.

At the moment I am at an impasse for ideas for my blog. This is where, you the reader/follow can help!

I am asking for your suggestions on ideas I could use for things to write.

You can suggest one, two, or even more. I will read every one and hopefully use each idea.

So dear reader, how about it? Do you have suggestion/s for this blogger? Looking forward to hearing from you!

Motivational Poem- “Don’t Quit-Jill Wolf”

Don’t quit when the tide is lowest,
For it’s just about to turn;
Don’t quit over doubts and questions,
For there’s something you may learn.
Don’t quit when the night is darkest,
For it’s just a while ’til dawn;
Don’t quit when you’ve run the farthest,
For the race is almost won.
Don’t quit when the hill is steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh;
Don’t quit, for you’re not a failure
Until you fail to try.

Clarification – Comments On Subject

Lately I have been having difficulty approving some comments. These comments were not harassment, or even vulgar. What the issue with these is, that they are totally irrelevant to the subject of the post.

It is true that when I started this blog that my intention was to speak to issues concerning Biblical thoughts. Yes, the URL is still, “rethinkingscripture.wordpress.com”, but it evolved into my battle of mental health. Mental health has been my focus for many years now. I do not know how to change my URL without starting from scratch, so for now I continue with the current one.

I do have another blog where I do explore Biblical issues.

I ask for co-operation on this issue and that comments reflect the subject of the post. Please, I ask for those who want to discuss Biblical issues that you do so somewhere other than this blog.

Please, do not proselytize!

Definition –

pros·e·lyt·ize

/ˈpräs(ə)ləˌtīz/

verb

  1. convert or attempt to convert (someone) from one religion, belief, or opinion to another. “the program did have a tremendous evangelical effect, proselytizing many “Similar :evangelize, convert, seek/make converts bring to God/Christ bring into the fold spread the gospel/word (to)propagandize preach (to)win over recruit brainwash
    • advocate or promote (a belief or course of action).”Davis wanted to share his concept and proselytize his ideas”

I thank you for being respectful of my wishes for my blog!

Eleven Years & Still Going

I have now been on WordPress for eleven years. I have learned lots since I have begun to blog. I have received help from many. Some gave me insight on how to use Categories and also Tags.

I have found my style in how I write and post to my blog.

I want to say, “THANK YOU” to everyone who have been have helped, to those who have inspired.

Influenced? Influencer?

Power is a tool, influence is a skill; one is a fist, the other a fingertip. Nancy Gibbs

This is not about mental health. It is not about my recovery. It is about two words, influenced and influencer.

I am not a professional marketer. In secondary school I did, however, I took marketing classes for three years. It was basic, there was not any social media. It involved print, radio, store front displays, and television.

I have been noticing something in my life that has caught my attention. I have given this much thought. What I have noticed is the fact that I have been doing certain things and then my best friend also begins doing these. It has been little things, like trying a new product from the grocery store, watching a certain program on television. I was an influencer.

I have had conversations in the past with a person a debate about name brands versus generic. His stance was, always by name brand products. I would rebut that with the fact that I found generic products are also good. Also, generic is can usually be cheaper. Saving money at the checkout line!

I am not timid about trying new products. I have just recently tried a new cereal and found that I enjoyed it. I spoke to my best friend and he tried it and now has added it to his morning breakfast.

I can sometimes be influenced by how a product is packaged, or maybe a friend or family recommends one to me. I have now been influenced.

In some cases you get what you paid for. When it comes to electronics I have gone to a name brand that I have confidence in. Generic in this matter is not always the best venue to choose.

I am sure Vee from Millennial Life Crisis could go into greater detail. She is the professional when it comes to matters of marketing.

So dear reader, I would ask you this question, Are you influenced more than being an influencer? What are your thoughts about name brand versus generic? I welcome your thoughts on this idea.

Some Thoughts Since I Last Posted

I have enjoyed my time to re-connect with friends, to spend some time finding myself. I have kept myself busy reading, listening to some of my favorite music, and also, my break from watching cable news.

I feel great and I have been adjusting to life without pain, or heavy pain killers. I still am struggling with my sleep and really do not know where to find the answer.

I had my last appointment with the therapist and I even gave her some surprises along the way. It has only been since May for the surgery, but yet, it feels like it is further away than just three months.

I have some catching up to do with reading all of the blog posts that I follow. What I found amazing was the number of people who have started to follow this blog. For that I am truly thankful!

Not really sure about what future blog posts will deal with. I realize there is much to write about concerning “mental health”. Ideas are running through my brain. Some will never see daylight, while others are piecing themselves together.

Canada is facing a federal election and politicians wasted no time making promises of what they will do if elected. I do not hold much hope in the polls. The only poll that counts is on election day. Pundits are saying Canadians may not know the results for a couple of weeks. I am sure there will be knocks at my door, candidates asking for my support. I never tell them which way I will be voting. For me that is something I keep to myself, no signs on the lawn from any party.

School here starts back on September 1 and for this guy I am thrilled. It will now be safe to shop without being over-taken by children who have found a way to break from the grips of their parents.

Soon thoughts will turn to Thanksgiving Day here in October. In America they celebrate that day in November, with the Macy’s Parade signaling the start of the Christmas season.

So dear reader, it feels good to pen some thoughts, somewhat disjointed, but nevertheless, some things that I have been contemplating during my “time out”. How has your summer been? I would like to hear from you!

Can’t Wait…Look Out Summer

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.” – John Steinbeck


First, I went for my vaccination on the 14th. I was given the AstraZeneca vaccine. I did not experience any side affects, not even a tender spot. I really didn’t even feel the needle go in.

I was talking to a family member and I mentioned getting the vaccine. The family member told me that they were not going for vaccination because of the fears of blood clots. I tried to encourage them by telling them that the odds of that happening are very great.


I have already start dreaming about what I expect I will be able to do after recovery. My thoughts turned to walking through the community and maybe seeing a deer or a moose. It is common to see them around for it is quite the site to look and see them walking through.

Walking through the area and being able to chat with those who are out sitting on their decks. To look and see some of the new trailers that are being brought in. Taking my dog out for a long walk along the roadside.

I am not one who sits out in the sun because I think that too much sun causes wrinkles. Yes, that sounds like I am somewhat vain. Maybe, but I don’t think that I am. Just cautious and keeping the odds great from having skin cancer.

This past year has seemed so long, days seem to meld together. Trying to remember what day it is. It has been a battle to keeping my spirits up, not to fall into the depths of depression. Fighting to not giving up, doing what I can to see the better or best of the situation. Finding things to be thankful, even if they are the smallest.

So dear reader, here is to a better summer than the last one!

Great News, Hip Surgery May 3, 2021

This morning the phone rang. It was the scheduling O.R. office. It was to inform me that my surgery will take place on May 3rd here in our hospital.

On Monday I will be at the hospital to go through all the pre-op procedures. This will be around six hours of tests and such.

They told me that I need to be careful not to cut myself or catch a cold. The surgeon is very picky, if I have any of those things, like an infection, he will post pone the surgery. On the next day I will see the surgeon once more at the hospital.

I am not sure how long my stay in the hospital will be. I will not be allowed visitors, I have a feeling that it is for all hospital patients.

So dear reader, this is one guy who is excited today and I can’t wait for Monday May 3rd evening with surgery behind me. I have no idea how long it will take me to be 100 percent.

“Frustration” Is The Word For This Week!

It has been one hell of a week for me. I have been without access to my internet since Monday.

I really didn’t care on Monday because I spent most of the day resting in bed. But Tuesday I tried to login to my internet and absolutely blocked. I tried everything I had learned over the years about resolving problems with logging in. Nothing I tried worked, so I call the support line. He basically walked me through everything I had already tried. From his end he could find nothing concerning my problem. Then he tells me to push a red button to reset the modem. Well, I do just that and to my ever increasing frustration, nothing, ziltch, nada! So, the answer was to wait for someone to come to my house and try to resolve this issue.

Today, Thursday, a support guy shows up and begins trouble shooting what might be wrong. He found the trouble, apparently when I was told to reset, it reset the username and password to the default that is given by the ISP. He goes out to his truck and brings in a new modem and a new switch. The modem I was using was a bit old and the switch was for me to be able to hardwire my laptop. He sets up a new network with a name I chose along with a new password.

If today would have been a flog I might have thrown everything out the door! But, I am connected again and I have missed not being able to access WordPress. I have some catching up to do with reading all the blogs, but I am thankful I am back on the wide world web.

Update- The Hospital Is No Picnic

Back in March when I was having such great pain my friend took the lead and spoke with my surgeon’s office. She gave me a date to see him, which was today.

I was up early because it takes me a long time to get myself moving. Along with a couple of cups of coffee and breakfast. I started getting ready to be at the hospital for noon time. We called a cab that can carry my wheelchair, my friend’s car was out of the question for it rides low. The cab arrived and I slowly make it out to it and a hobble to get myself into the back seat.

I arrived early, which is nothing new. Of course Moose Jaw is on high alert for Covid, so I had to be screened before going to register. Finally, registered and make it to the area where the surgeon was conducting a cast clinic. I sit in my wheelchair waiting to be called into a room. Forty-five minutes later I am called in to see the surgeon. He has me jump, well in my case hobble, onto a bed. I lay down and he moves my leg and barely off the bed which makes me scream. He quit because he didn’t want to make me hurt anymore. He decides that he needs an updated x-ray. So, back in the wheelchair and off to have the x-ray done. After the x-ray it is back to the surgeon, where I sit another thirty minutes before he makes his return.

He proceeds to explain the condition of my hip. It is far worse than it was three months ago. He explains about my hip and there is a ball that is attached to a bone and the ball moves around the hip. Where the ball should be is nothing more than a flat piece of bone. And still no answer of when my surgery will take place. No thanks to Covid to bring things to a grinding stop. Here is what he said, “I sit at home with nothing to do, no surgeries”!

So dear reader, the hospital is definitely not a picnic!

What A Week!

I have had one crazy week. There has been some good things happen, but there has been some totally frustrating things.

Let’s start with the frustration. Twice this week the power has gone out, once while I was trying to write a post. When the power went out it has done something to my wi-fi and it has been a pain in the butt with trying to stay connected. I am not able to reach my modem to run a hard wire. If I had my ability to move freely it would be no problem. So, I need to find someone who is capable of moving my tv stand and to help me run the wire. Next I have to re-configure my network to recognize it. There have been moments where I just wanted to wipe everything off my small computer stand. UGGGGGGHHH!

The last couple of days though has brought me some good news. I received a letter from Sask Health that I am eligible for the Covid vaccine. I waited all day for a call back and late last night the call came in. I now have a date to get vaccinated. I now need to find a way there that won’t cause me great pain.

The best news came yesterday morning from the Surgery Scheduling Office. It was to watch a video about all the things I need to get done before the surgery. Since I couldn’t go they sent me a link to their video on YouTube. I have everything already done, except for the raised toilet seat. I have all it done because it happened when my back was at it’s worst. So, I feel that I have just made one hurdle. The next hurdle is where I have to go and they take measurements for the hip replacement. There will be other tests that have to be done. Things like my heart, lungs and my circulation due to my history of blood clots.

I also have to have a coach and that will be my best friend. He has to be with me for all the next steps. He now has also watched the video. I am fortunate that I have him to rely on!

So dear reader, I guess all things considered, the good outweighs the bad!

Book Review – Managing the Depression Puzzle

For the past several days I spent the better part of them reading the book, “Managing the Depression Puzzle” written by Ashley L. Peterson(blog: www.mentalhealthathome.org). On the first night I decided to write a review, this is something I have not done.

***I have not received compensation, or was asked to write an review of this book.***

This book is not a step plan guide where if you follow the steps you will reach complete wellness.

The book is divided into parts:

  1. Part l – Illness Treatment
  2. Part ll – Wellness Promotion
  3. Part lll – Putting The Pieces Together

Ashley presents everything like pieces of a puzzle. Each piece is for the reader to choose. The reader can pick those that fit their plan and leave the other pieces.

Just in case you are not sure what the pieces are, Ashley ends each chapter with: “This Chapter’s Potential Pieces of The Puzzle”. I found this very helpful, it is a way to refer back to at a later time.

I bought the book because I follow her on the “Mental Health @ Home” blog and found on the greater part that I could understand what she was writing about.

The book is written with humanity from the author’s own struggles with mental illness. Ashley writes as somebody who has been on both sides of mental health care desk. It was refreshing to read an author who bares her own struggles about her own battle with mental illness.

The book progresses seamlessly from the various types of mental illness. Such as; “Schizoaffective Disorder” to “Adjustment Disorder”.

The reader is then lead through the many options in treatment. The various medications, what they do and their side effects.

She tackles and busts many myths in this book. One myth that she busts is concerning “Electroconvulsive Therapy”.

She writes;

There’s stigma up the wazoo about electroconvulsive therapy{ECT}, sometimes referred as electroshock or shock therapy. Many people’s familiarity with ECT is what happened to Jack Nicholson’s character in “One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest” The reality is much different. It is not barbaric, despite the popular misconception.

Ashley then proceeds by describing how ECT is administered and why it is used. I can honestly say I have a better perception about this procedure.

From there the reader is guided and focused on:

Complimentary & Alternative Therapies

She writes about “Activation”. For this reader it was one paragraph that gave me an understanding what “Activation” is.

Walking probably the easiest form of physical activation, especially if your energy is only slightly above non existent. There’s also lots of research demonstrating its benefits. It’s very adaptable; today you could walk to the nearest intersection and back, and the next week you could work your way up to going around a whole block.

There is so much help and resources packed within this 135 page book that I do not have the space to write.

For this reader “Managing the Depression Puzzle” is a keeper and placed into the “resource” section of my personal library for further reference. It was well worth every dollar it cost to buy.

Thank you Ashley for this wonderful resource and help book!

You can find this book at:

*** I hope I have presented “Managing the Depression Puzzle Correctly” fairly and honestly.***

Surgery Wait Lists In Canada

ProvincePostponements
BC24,287
AB16,893
SK23,209
MB8,391
ON148,364
QC70,467
NB1,562
NL23,867
NS35,753
PE1,120
TOTAL:353,913
Source: Waiting Lists Numbers In Canada

Last night I tuned into the local evening news, something I like to do each night.

There was a report about the waiting list numbers across Canada since the outbreak of Covid. To be honest I thought maybe I heard the report incorrectly. I had not, for I went and found the report online at the CTVNews website. That is the reason for the table on the side, it shows the numbers of each province and it totally shocking.

What was really shocking to me was a man that they interviewed. He needs hip surgery and the surgery has been postponed four times. My spirit hit like a thud for I have been waiting for something to be done to my hip for almost six months.

When I saw the orthopedic surgeon after going through an MRI I asked how long will it be to I have the surgery. His response was astounding and also shocking. He said this, “I just work here”! Several days ago I called the Office of Surgery Schedule to see if they could give me an idea of when I might have my surgery. I learned that I am way down on the list due to the fact that they only received the report back in December. So much for a moderate wait.

This is Canada, we are capable of all types of surgery. Before I was born my paternal grandfather had the first ever brain surgery. He survived and his grandchildren watched as he had to go back to school to learn the basics. Learn how to drive a car once more. He passed all that with flying colors. However, his speech never came back fully, he managed to speak enough for people to understand his train of thought. When he couldn’t find the words, he would just swear.

I thought about writing the MLA in charge of managing the Health portfolio. I realized that my time would be better spent doing something else.

So dear reader, I am not sure what the answer truly is. I do no think it would be wise to perform surgeries around the clock, for one thing there would not be sufficient number of support staff. I just wonder if we are that far behind, what are the numbers like in America or even Britain.

Is anyone else experiencing a long wait for surgery because of how Covid has affected the Health systems?

Choices, Choices, Choices,…

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart


Since I have been housebound I have had to find ways not to get cabin fever. At times it has been difficult, but I do my best to keep myself moving forward and aware of what is happening in the outside world.

I liked the above quote because it is true for my situation. My life at this moment does not give me many choices, but the ones I do have all are to do with me keeping a stable mental health. It would be easy to allow myself to slip into despair, but that is a choice I choose not to make. There are days where the thought about just staying in bed and pulling the covers up over my head, but again that is a choice that I will not make.

I could be like an old country and western song said, ‘Everybody going out and having, I’m just a fool for staying home and having none…oh lonesome me”!

My concentration is poor for being distracted by the pain around my upper leg and hip. So, writing also has been suffering. There are times I think I have something to write about, only to find I have already written it. I wonder how many times or ways there are to discuss being bi-polar and suffer from depression.

I am now again taking forms of opioids to manage the pain and a sleeping pill so that I can have a decent night’s rest. My doctor is only allowing me to have just seven days at a time, which means I have a phone consultation with him. I am happy that I have that choice. There is no way that I could get to his office because getting into a car would be impossible.

Over the next several days I am going to look for some books to read. I will have to order them online, going to the library is not an option.

So dear reader, I wrote all this to give you a head’s up. No matter how much you may be going through most have choices. If you have choices the option is there to make changes.

A Word of Caution

Comment Caution

The other day I had to do something that I have never done before. I had to delete a comment from a person. The reason being, the person had put a phone number in the comment that belong to a different person. I did not feel comfortable allowing to accept that comment because it was not from the actual person.

So, I am asking everyone not to place personal information in your comments, whether it is yours or another person.

I am not sure if this had happen to others and would greatly appreciate feedback from other bloggers. other than yourself.

What do you think?

A Letter to Dwain

“Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.” ― Robert H. Schuller


Dwain, a name my mother had picked out long before I was born. It was on a Sunday back in 1961. That name doesn’t really describe who I am.

The following is something I have been contemplating in my mind. So, here I go.

Dwain:

You have been through some tough times and survived. You are a survivor of a bad motorbike accident which should have left you a crippled being. You’re a suicide attempt survivor.

Do you remember, you know what the inside of a Mental Health Ward looks like? How about the feeling you had on your very first admission? The feeling that left you sitting in a corner and not interacting with those who were also there. To escape this you basically spent your time in the smoking room. How about the feeling you experienced when you began to open up during the group sessions? It really wasn’t that bad after all.

Why are you starting to beat yourself up, almost cursing each time you have to move? You do understand that the hip replacement will be the start of a better you. Going outside to walk with your dog, Natalie. You will once again be able to do your own shopping. Yes Dwain, it is been a long year being locked away from others, not able to talk with neighbors or jest with the cashier tellers where you shop. You do know that they ask about you every time Stuart goes shopping for you. So, Dwain they really do think about you!

So Dwain, keep reminding yourself the quote from Rev. Robert Schuller; “Tough times don’t last, tough people do. ”! You are going to beat this if you keep yourself in a positive mental attitude!

Sincerely,

Your friend,

Dwain

The Gang is All Here

“The mob believes everything it is told, provided only that it be repeated over and over. Provided too that its passions, hatreds, fears are catered to. Nor need one try to stay within the limits of plausibility: on the contrary, the grosser, the bigger, the cruder the lie, the more readily is it believed and followed. Nor is there any need to avoid contradictions: the mob never notices; needless to pretend to correlate what is said to some with what is said to others: each person or group believes only what he is told, not what anyone else is told; needless to strive for coherence: the mob has no memory; needless to pretend to any truth: the mob is radically incapable of perceiving it: the mob can never comprehend that its own interests are what is at stake.” ― Alexandre Koyré, Réflexions sur le mensonge


If I remember correctly it was around 1974 when Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau visited where my family was living. My best friend and myself went to hear what he had to say. The Prime Minister was not afraid of what anyone thought of him. During the period of our bringing our Constitution home Prime Minister did a pirouette behind Queen Elizabeth at the signing ceremony. Anyway, we were there standing listening to the Prime Minister when someone decided to make an ass out of himself by yelling, “if I had a tomato I would throw it at you”. That brought about great laughter, but, it also encouraged others to yell out hateful expressions towards the Prime Minister. The amazing thing was this, Prime Minister Trudeau didn’t miss a beat and kept going with his speech. It wasn’t minutes when the mob realized that they couldn’t get the Prime Minister roiled up, so they quit.

In 1975 we moved back into the city of Windsor, Ontario. In the summer a preacher would come to the city and conduct tent meetings. During one these meetings a former teacher and her son were also there. It was really strange and somewhat uneasy for me. After the meeting they approached me. What happened next truly gave me a shock. The teacher’s son, by the way I did not know they were related when I was in the prior school, and the son apologized for bullying me. I will never forget that few awkward minutes, I will always remember their names and how a bully turned into a acceptable young man.

I have learned over the many years that many who act while in a mob presence would not act that way if they were alone. It is the power of “mob mentality”.

Herd mentalitymob mentality and pack mentality, also lesser known as gang mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. When individuals are affected by mob mentality, they may make different decisions than they would have individually. – Wikipedia

I am not writing this to make a political statement. I believe in peaceful protests. However, when a protest turns into violence, property damage, and setting fires, it no longer is a protest, but, it now has become a riot.

In 1968 America was burning. Riots across the nation in cities of Detroit and in Chicago In the latter it was while the Democratic National Convention. The riots were triggered by the assignation of Martin Luther King Jr.. I was not that very old, but do have memories of looking across the Detroit River and seeing smoke rising in the air. I did not understand what was happening, but, I will never forget seeing the smoke rising all across the water front in Detroit.

In Canada back in 1990 we saw a protest that lasted seventy eight days. It occurred in  in the community of Kanesatake, near the Town of Oka, on the north shore of Montreal. The protest was broadcasted on all news channels here in Canada. The catalyst was the announcement of an expansion of a golf club and development of townhouses on disputed land in Kanesatake that was also on a Mohawk burial ground.

I feel protests like the one that happened in Washington, D.C., on January 6 was ripe for violence and all it took was for the mob to let down it’s inhabitations.

InhibitionAn inhibition is a force that prevents something from happening—and often comes from you yourself. Shy people are often said to suffer from inhibitions. Some inhibitions are good, such as the one that prevents us from choking the life out of people we dislike.

It is my guess that many who have been in a mob setting may be regretting it a day or so afterwards. It may have brought criminal charges, embarrassment to the family, and even to the company they work for. The criminal charges if the person is found guilty may imperil their job or future jobs, for that record will always be with them the rest of their life.

So dear reader, have you ever been caught up in the frenzy of a protest turned riot?

Indecision, Indecision, Indecision

Once I make up my mind, I’m full of indecision. Oscar Levant
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/indecision-quotes


Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he’s full of indecision. Oscar Levant
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/indecision-quotes


I don’t know how many times this week that I hit the “delete” instead of the “publish”. I would start to write and then proof-read and decided that I was sounding too dire, and maybe, too dark. So, this may come across as rambling.

Indecision is something that can hold me back. Let me explain, my best friend made a suggestion that I should make a call to the Surgery Scheduling Office. I shrugged it off several times because I felt it would not accomplish much good. I theorized that they would be hostile to my question concerning a time frame of when my surgery would take place. I had to call my doctor and in passing I mentioned the idea. He thought that might be a good thing to do. I relented and called the office, and to my surprise the lady on the other end of the call was sympathetic to my situation. I felt at ease and began to ask other questions about the process of a surgery. So, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have been indecisive about such a move. I hung up the phone feeling peaceful, however, the waiting list it could be at least eight months.

It is amazing that when it comes to all things government I tend to shrink away. I am not a pushover when it comes to standing up for myself. Earlier this year I wrote about my experience while in the hospital when I felt unsafe. (The Night I Felt Unsafe) I stood up for myself when I thought a nurse invaded my private space.

I am a person who dislikes confrontation. I will cross the road to avoid someone I see coming my way if I feel like there is going to be a dispute. I have been that way for most of my life. It could be situations as such takes me back to my relationship with my father.

So dear reader, this was my week for indecisions, indecisions, and indecisions!

Celebrating Black History Month

“We have learned to fly the air like birds and swim the sea like fish, but we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers. Our abundance has brought us neither peace of mind nor serenity of spirit.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.


I think it is no secret by now that I grew up in Windsor, Ontario, directly across from Detroit, Michigan.

I learned in Social Studies about the Underground Railroad that went through our very area of Ontario. There is a church in Chatham, Ontario that helped the Black Americans escape the United States.

The one method that I can recall of how Black Americans were smuggled into Canada was false bottoms coffins. That thought has always stuck with me some forty years later.

I went to school with Black people and it never occurred to me that they were any different than myself. I can remember my grade eight graduation. I went to school with twins whose father was a local Pastor in Amherstburg, Ontario. I use to love attending his services for the music. My mom attended the graduation dinner and found out that her best friend in high school was the mother of the twins, the wife of the Pastor.

When I started traveling throughout the United States is when I had an eye opening experience about the racial differences. We we hold meetings in many different churches and many times it was obvious that many congregations were divided by race. It really set me back on my heels and maybe to this day has influenced my view about the race war in America.

I am not a black man, but, one of the people I would have loved to heard in person was the afore mention, Martin Luther King Jr. I still can recall the feelings and emotions that welled in me when I first heard his speech, “I Have A Dream”. To this day it draws out the same emotions. I think we could use more of him.

Now, let me address the race war in Canada. It basically is divided between white and Indigenous People. It is well known fact that many of the Indigenous People live in below poverty and many reserves still have boil water alerts, due to unclean water sources. So, dear reader Canada has it’s share of a racial divide.

Many Black Americans settled down around the Chatham, Ontario region. There is also a strong presence in Eastern Canada.

I salute Black People around the world, but, I have high honor for those within the fifty states of America. I admire their tenacity, their will power to keep believing in their dream of equality, and their desire to be considered a full fledge citizen, even though the constitution has never been amended about their citizenship.

So, this writer, this person, raises a glass to all Black Citizens here in Canada and the United States. Maybe, with Kamala Harris being elected vice president will turn the tide around for the Black Americans.