One of These Days Alice…(Ralph Cramden -The Honeymooners)

Intolerance is a thing that causes war, pogroms, crucifixions, lynchings, and makes people cruel to little children and each other. It is responsible for most of the viciousness, violence, terror, and heart and soul breaking of the world. – Betty Smith


1 : capacity to endure pain or hardship : endurance, fortitude, stamina.

2a : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own.

b : the act of allowing something : toleration.


1: the quality or state of being accepted or acceptableHis theories have gained widespread acceptance.

2: the act of accepting something or someone the fact of being accepted APPROVALacceptance of responsibility

3 law an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound

Over the last couple of weeks my tolerance has been tested. I ask myself when do I draw a line in the sand and say, “that’s enough”.

Thinking about the difference between “tolerance” and “acceptance”. For this fifty-nine year old guy there are times I only tolerate something. I may tolerate it because just to keep peace. With acceptance it is the complete wholeness that I accept something flaws and all.

Before counseling years ago my tolerance level was not very high. I guess I was like an unwatched “pressure cooker”. I have learned the ability to express myself with tolerance without it turning into a shouting match.

This blog has become my steam valve in many aspects. I find after I have finished writing that my mind seems clearer.

This week I have been feeling like some take advantage of someone’s tolerance. They push buttons looking for a response. They pick at you, constantly asking questions repeatedly waiting for you to explode. If you explode or sound cranky their reply sounds something like this, “boy someone is certainly touchy”.

I am not sure how far a person can go with their tolerance. What has to take place to where tolerance goes out the window? That is what I am asking myself this last couple of days. Dealing with someone who seems to not understand what your concern or need is. It is those on the other end of the phone conversation that has been testing my tolerance.

So dear reader, how far does your tolerance go and what would push you over the edge? This curious guy would like to hear…lol

p.s. – Ralph Cramden was a character on a fifties tv show. When he and his wife, Alice, would have an argument, Ralph would tell her, “one of these days Alice, pow, bang, boom, straight to the moon.” (picture a man with fists clenched making a punching motion)

What’s Your Value

Real success requires respect for and faithfulness to the highest human values-honesty, integrity, self-discipline, dignity, compassion, humility, courage, personal responsibility, courtesy, and human service. Michael E. DeBakey

Definition Human values are the virtues that guide us to take into account the human element when we interact with other human beingsHuman values are, for example, respect, acceptance, consideration, appreciation, listening, openness, affection, empathy and love towards other human beings.

Let me start with this statement: If you are breathing, you have value!

I have tried to recall if when growing up did I ever hear or read about self-esteem, knowing your value, sadly I cannot think of any one time that I did.

For most of my life I consider myself as a failure. All my heroes were comic super heroes. I did have one person that I looked up to, that made me feel great, that was my maternal grandfather. He wasn’t one to give hugs, or say ‘I love you’, but when you were with him you felt that he would protect you, that you were worth saving. I do have one picture of him holding his granddaughters, he had a huge smile sitting there in a pink wicker rocker.

I knew my mother loved me, that she supported me, but I cannot for the life of me ever verbally feelings like I was valued.

Before President Lyndon B Johnson signed the “Civil Rights Act’ in 1964 black people were considered less than a human being. Other words they did not have the same value attached to them like those who were white in skin color.

All people have value, they deserve to be treated as such, not like something we stepped on while walking. It makes no difference about skin color, culture, ethnicity.

When people are stripped of their value they loose respect for themselves, some begin to spiral into addiction. I said that remembering how I learned what was happening in Canada among our First Nation Community. Inadequate education, unsafe drinking water, uninhabitable housing, place on reservations. Oh yes, there has been some progress, but from my observation, it is almost moving in reverse.

When people fill they have value you can start to see their life gradually change. Their self-esteem starts to go up, they begin to take pride in their housing, and all other aspects of living.

People with value their interactions with others are what is stated above; “respect, acceptance, consideration, appreciation, listening, openness, affection, empathy and love towards other human beings.”

So dear reader every living human being has value and should be treated as such!

A Reblog: The Cost of Being Gendered as Male — Translating Transgender

I hope you will take some time and read this great life story!

Transitioning in the midst of a decade long photography project, presents an opportunity to see how differently people relate to me as a man vs. a woman. Enjoying a day off, I decided to swing by the Weirdest little Church in Texas, check out their volunteer program and hopefully capture a few shots on camera. […]

via The Cost of Being Gendered as Male — Translating Transgender

Please Instill This…


You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ Eleanor Roosevelt

If you would have met me and followed me around you would have saw a guy with a low opinion of himself. I didn’t excel in sports, science, history, really not much at all.  Do not misunderstand me I always had good marks. Never much in any trouble, except in grade ten they gave me a lunch period that started at ten o’clock in the morning.  My solution was simple I would skip the class where lunch should have been.

For the life of me I can only recall once where one of my parents showed up in anything that concerned school.  My mother attended my grade eight graduation, that’s it. My father was absent in any event I was in. Come to think of it he was absent in anything that I was interested in.  His idea was that I should go to a trade school to become an oil jockey in some dead end job. He wasn’t not pleased when I chose an all academic school where I took all business related courses.

 Self-esteem was hard to come by around my family, both in my immediate family and my extended family.  I felt great around my maternal grandfather when we would practice a song to sing at church.  My mother was there for me, but her attention was also to my four siblings.

So often I hear parents belittling, shaming their children that I get so infuriated by.  Those remarks will only cause deep wounds, scars that will last their entire life.  Get behind your children be their best cheerleader they have. It will bring a harvest of great accomplishments.

Dear reader it is also my feeling about my blog, the comments I make on other’s posts, it is better to be a builder. So let’s instill this, self-esteem!

A Reblog: Mental Illness and the Workplace — The Art of Mental Illness

I spent a good portion of my life struggling on my own. I knew something was “different” about me but I never had the support around me to help me get answers. I walked around aimlessly and lived off of Google’s suggestions and explanations about how I was feeling for the most part. As an…

via Mental Illness and the Workplace — The Art of Mental Illness

A Reblog: Hatred From An Unlikely Source – Internalized Homophobia — Overcoming OCD

Did you know that gay and bisexual man are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than the rest of the population? Or that LGBT+ are one and a half times more likely to develop depression and anxiety than heterosexuals? June is Pride Month and I think this is the perfect time to talk about […]

via Hatred From An Unlikely Source – Internalized Homophobia — Overcoming OCD



The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret. Henri Frederic Amiel

Healing is a strange slow moving process.  When I had a broken arm they knew it because of an x-ray.  To determine how well it was healing they used the same process.

Healing for the mind is a much different beast.  Any type of imaging will not show the breakdown within that human computer.

I know some people who just don’t talk about what is happening within them.  They keep it pent up, brewing, seething, eating away at them.  I have learned that this begins to show itself with physical ailments.  They are a walking volcano that nobody has a clue just when it will erupt spewing all the emotions on anyone within reach. 

Some in my own family do not talk about relatives who have died.  I heard or read somewhere that the best way to keep someone alive is to talk about them.  I talk constantly about my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and others. It brings back warm emotions that counter-act any negativity that might be trying to take root.

I have also come to terms with regrets in my past.  I cannot travel back in time to change any situation, yet, I cannot move forward with my attention always looking backward. So, to move forward is to come to peace with all those regrets.

When I was younger and heard someone talk about a journal I always pictured it as something a young woman would do.  I now know that journal-ling can aid in the healing of the mind.  I do not regret starting this blog, it has allowed me to express my emotions with a positive outcome. 

So dear reader, I have learned healing takes time. It also comes in many different forms.  All I can tell you is just go with the processing!

Life has…


You can’t allow other people to put a price on what you do, otherwise you don’t consider what you do to have any value at all, and that’s nonsense. Robert Smith

There are times when I felt like garbage, life had no meaning.  Sometimes I would meet people and by the time we say goodbye I would be feeling worse. There are those that seems that there mission in life is to be critical of everyone else.

If I am out and about sometimes I would spot somebody that I knew was just trouble with a capital “T”.  I would find a way either to cross the street or slip into a store somewhere just to avoid the person.

Lately I find myself not much into small talk, I love good conversation, anything with substance.  However, I do not care for anyone who talks above me, talks at me, I want them to talk with me.  I look for a conversation that when I leave the person I could glean something from talking with them.

My Pastor once gave me a great piece of wisdom, “strangers are friends you haven’t met yet”!  I have never forgot that, so I use that attitude when I meet someone new.  It gives me a great starting place, an attitude of giving them acceptance.

During my school years I suffered greatly with feelings of inadequacies. Other students had a way of making me feel less than human, someone with no worth.  I never want to feel like that again.

Learning to play the piano gave me the boost of confidence I greatly needed.  When I was asked to travel as an organist it gave me the greatest feeling of some worth in my life.  A sense of finally belonging somewhere.

What I know now is that everyone has worth. wanting the feeling of acceptance.  They want the feeling like they are on the same level as others.

So dear reader, you are valuable, you do have worth in your life.  Take it from me a high school dropout, that took some negatives and turned them into some mighty positives in my life!

Taking A Deep Breath…

lake-landscape-1512925858oteThe Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 
enjoying one moment at a time; 
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it; 
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will; 
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next. 

reinhold niebuhr (1892-1971)

I woke up this morning with this prayer on my mind.  So, I decided to post it for I feel it speaks to the times we are living.

I have no power to change what is happening, so I must just relax.

I need to learn just to live one day at time.

I am trying to accept these hard times so that I can find peace during them.

Those are just some added thoughts that I am feeling at this moment.

So dear reader, maybe you do not believe in prayer, but maybe try to find a way to apply the perspectives found in the Serenity Prayer.

For all the rest I would encourage you to stop and say the Serenity Prayer.  I hope in doing so that you will find peace flow throughout you today!

Talking To Myself?

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay

“Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.” -Clark Moustakas

Being Honest With Yourself

Today I have been musing over this, what if I could step outside of myself and had a conversation with myself, how would it go?

Would I look at myself and point fingers of regret, mistakes, relationships that soured.  Would I defend myself against the pointing of fingers?  Would excuses trip off the tip of my tongue?  Would I lecture myself about my appearance, the weight gain, for not taking better care of myself?  Yes, what would I see looking at myself?

Or would I give myself a pep talk, telling myself I can do better, that all of those other things are water under the bridge.  Maybe, tell myself the lessons I can take from my past, apply those lessons so I can move forward.

I am not sure how long this conversation would be, would I be stubborn, refusing to listen to myself, or would I accept all of those things that I speak to myself?

I can almost place a date on when I finally started to move forward, seeing progress, light at the end of the tunnel.  Yes, I can put my finger to the point in time.  It was the day I began to accept everything about myself!

May I make a suggestion, take some time and have a talk with yourself, you will be amazed at what may come of it!



Beauty is being comfortable and confident in your own skin. Iman

As far as I can remember I have never felt comfortable in my own skin  I always felt like an outsider looking in. 

In school I was not what they call a “jock”.  When in high school gym was always stressful.  Changing my clothes was an effort to become part of the wall so that no one would pay attention to me.

I am now fifty-eight and I have only started to feel “comfortable” in my own skin.  I have learned after multiple stays in the mental health ward that acceptance of myself was the hurdle I needed to clear and go over it.

I believe that I can sort of relate to young men and women who struggle with body image.  Girls trying to stay skinny, trying to look like the women on magazine covers. There battles with anorexia and bulimia.  For teens it is the extreme peer pressure that causes the battle of feeling comfortable with their body image.

I am on my way to being comfortable in my own skin.  I accept my hair is turning grey, now have to wear bi-focal, and all the rest a guy of my age starts to grow through.

So, there is my rant of learning how to be comfortable in my own skin!