Leave My Emotions Out Of It!

Of course our feelings matter. But emotional decisions are usually not the best ones. On the other hand, your emotions can affect your decisions whether you like it or not because the effects can occur on the unconscious level.  Leonard Mlodinow


I have never approached the subject of how I made decisions from this view point, making them in an emotional state.

As I think back on my life I have basically always made decisions while in an pressured situation. I made them in haste, many of them when I was angry, then too proud to reverse the decision, that would mean I was wrong.

My suicide attempt was a decision when I was overwrought with anger. I felt like the world was caving in, the walls were closing together to squash me. I now know that was a very stupid, ludicrous move.

Then there was the opposite, no decision made because I was in deep depression. My mood was horrendous, I just didn’t care one way or the other. I would go for days living on coffee, just no appetite, when I did eat it was simply junk food with no nutritious value.

Then when the pendulum swung the other way I was in the state of mania making really crazy, almost dangerous decisions. One time, this story was told to me by my best friend because I had no recall of it. I had a plumber in to fix something, that required me to go under the trailer to shut the water off. My best friend came he had to help me out of the crawl space for I was wacked out due to Oxycontin.

I have made great progress in making decisions. I never make them when angry, not in haste, just with proper logical methods. I give credit to my Psychiatrist and the team at the Mental Health Ward, for I learned I could manage my emotional decisions. Also the cocktail of meds that I take daily.

So dear reader this writer has cleared the hurdle of making decisions in an emotional frame of mind!

Mens Mental Health – Myths

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A real man ain’t a coward, he stands by what he says, admits his faults, and corrects his mistakes.    

Kiki Strack

Starting with this post I will be exploring Mens Mental Health from time to time.  For this post I want to take a look at myths about men.

Myths:

  • Big boys don’t cry – I read somewhere that crying is a release of our pent up frustrations. It is a release of all thing toxic.  Maybe if men would allow themselves to cry there wouldn’t be outbursts of rage.
  • Men Don’t Show Emotions – God forbid if a man was to place a hand on the shoulder of someone hurting, or if they were to hug a man who is in need of comforting.  I cannot recall one instance where my father ever showed a compassionate side towards me. Never once spoke the words to me, “I Love you”. I say that every time I talk to my daughter, grandchildren, and other.  The only emotion that they are comfortable showing is anger.
  • Men don’t talk to their sons about sex. Instead they have the attitude of “let them learn it like I did, on the streets.  Could it be that maybe what their sons are learning on the streets is the cause for many of them to become abusive emotionally and physically to women. Men you need to talk openly and honestly about sex, what it is and what it is not. My father never once talked to me concerning puberty, sex, etc.,

There are probably many more myths about what a real man is. But, the myths must be taken down, stripped away, to allow real men to step forward.

So dear reader if you know of a myth about real men please bring it to my attention using the comment section.

Use To Your Own Detriment!

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“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”
― Coretta Scott King

I have a relative that must take baths in hate.  A grievance collector that never forgets who did what, who said what.  Revenge is something that this person give constant thought of how to go about it.


“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

Mark Twain


It is my understanding that the person suffers from other ailments, digestion being the major one.

I have another relative that was having stomach troubles, had to get a prescription to stop the pain after eating. The relative went to see a specialist, the first thing he asked, “what is eating you”? Notice he did not want to know what they were eating.  It was true that the person was harboring ill feelings towards someone who had wronged them.

I learned a long time ago that it does nothing to hold extreme hatred or anger over what someone has done to them.  When I have been wronged I just move on.  Now do not misunderstand, I do get angry sometimes, but I do not give it free space within my mind.


“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
― Shannon L. Alder


My father and I were never close, I really do not have any fond memories about him with me.  He had anger issues and when triggered it could get physical, usually I ended up being the punching bag.

In around 1980 I had just started travelling with the evangelist, we were in a Christian TV studio holding a crusade in Detroit, Michigan.  One afternoon my father showed up to a meeting. 

After the meeting he asked if we could go for coffee.  I agreed hoping that maybe something new would happen between us.  We ended up in a mall walking around and talking.  I spotted a Music store that had pianos, organs, etc.,. I told my father, “Watch this“.  I walked over to a digital piano that was on display outside of the store door.  I turned it on and started to play it.  A crowd started to gather, so with glee I continued for awhile.  The store didn’t mind me doing so. I guess they figured that maybe they would end up with some sales.  We then walked away and my dad asked me, “when did you learn to play like that”?  I just smiled on the inside even though I wanted to give a snide remark. 

I have not seen my dad since the late eighties for my own mental health stability.  I do not wish him any harm, nor do I hold any ill feelings towards him.

My way of working through anger may not fit you, the reader.  It is a personal thing that each individual has to wrestle with it in their own way.

So dear reader I hope that maybe something I wrote on this post will give you some ideas on how to manage anger!

Treasure Hunt?

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All emotions, even those that are suppressed and unexpressed, have physical effects. Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking time bombs—they are illnesses in incubation.”
― Marilyn Van M. Derbur, Miss America by Day

The brain is an amazing organ, it controls the rest of the body.  Communicates with the nervous system, the five senses, etc.,

The thing I find most fantastic is how certain scents, music, words, can trigger my memory, even some that I have not thought about in years.  Some of those thoughts I have pushed to the back of my brain because I just didn’t want to deal with them.

My memory sometimes works overboard, I can remember things that even the ones that were also there cannot recall that incident.

Pent up emotions like anger, resentment can mess with our digestive system. Other emotions like regret can keep me in a state of fixation, can’t move forward, too easy to move backwards.  So, just stuck in one place!

There are times when I question certain memories whether they are real or just something I have dreamed, a creation of my imagination.

I find myself drifting between the now and the memories that seem to rise to the top.  With some they bring back times when I was happy, the days of singing with my grandfather, the days of singing with my sister as I played the piano.  The other memories I would love to find a way to eradicate them totally.

So, unlike Rand Travis “Digging Up Bones” song, I keep digging through my memories like someone on a treasure hunt.

Somebody Pass The Salt

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Boredom, anger, sadness, or fear are not ‘yours,’ not personal. They are conditions of the human mind. They come and go. Nothing that comes and goes is you. Eckhart Tolle
Read more at Boredom-Quotes

Around my neighborhood if you were to ask someone how they were doing the reply would be one word, “bored”.  I can imagine this would hold true in any neighborhood in any corner of the world.

There is only so many games of cards you can play, reading books is at a standstill because the library is closed, television has become tiresome trying to keep away from the cable tv.

I do not handle boredom that well I become antsy and uptight.  I just don’t have any idea left on what I can do around my house.  Cooking is at a minimum because eating too much seems to put on the pounds.

My dog Natalie is usually good for a laugh or two.  Nice to have sit by me and just cuddle on the couch while I am reading a Kindle edition of a book.

So, the list is too long to count the number of different emotions I have during any twenty-four hour period.  I wonder how others are coping with this dreaded thing called “boredom”!

 I just need some spice in my life at this moment.  Somebody pass the salt!

Normal, What’s That?

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The problem of living is at bottom an economic one. And this alone is bad enough, even in a period of so-called “normalcy.” But living has been considerably complicated of late in various ways – by war, by questions of personal liberty, and by “menaces” of one kind or another. Votes: 3

Benton MacKaye

The latest catch phrase is “the new normal“.  Experts on news shows say we will never go back to “normal“.  For some that is frightening, for they need the old normal, structure, schedules, deadlines, etc., I have heard opinions about the reason why prisoners when released back into society and re-offend.  They offer the opinion that some of those are use to the structure of prison life.  They have no skills in coping in a fast paced society.

Now everyone has a different normal.  Mine has changed over the years, some for good, others for the frustration.  I have heard it said that people starting out in the workforce will probably change their career at least two times.

I am not sure what my normal will look like after this turbulent times.  Maybe, I am worrying for naught, I will see.

I realize for those who are bi-polar like me sometimes the unknown can cause anxiety.  In my past things unknown was trouble, I would get jumpy, irritable, almost angry to where I would want to lash out.  It was during these times when a relationship with someone would go up in flames.

So, I hope that when the “new normal” arrives it better come with a handbook!

A Re-blog: Discouraged and Falling Apart — R-E-A-

I just had to share this here on my blog.

This post written by a young lady, Tina, (R.E.A.L. – Fighting 4 Authenticity was written honestly with great emotions. I feel you just may relate to her feelings about this very hard time we all are experiencing.



Tears. More tears. Over and over this happens. The days drag on and run together. The sadness, the confusion, the anger. I’ve felt more anger in the last few weeks than in the prior I-don’t-even-know-how-long.

via Discouraged and Falling Apart — R-E-A-L

Making Haste?

 

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We have made mistakes. In our haste to do all things for all people, we did not foresee the full consequences of our actions. And when the people raised their voices, we didn’t hear. But our deafness was only a temporary condition, and not an irreversible condition. Barbara Jordan
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/haste-quotes

Hast Definition:When something is done in haste, it’s done fast, and often with carelessness. In his haste to finish the paper, he didn’t notice he had replaced “taste” with “waste” during spell-checking, so his title became “Foods of Our Home State: What a Waste!”

Before I received treatment, medications, practice what I had learned I was a walking time bomb.  No, not a violent one, but a quick temper to explode and make decisions while in that frame of mind.

For the  record I am not proud of it.  I have made a decision because of my craziness would start in motion the process to move.

I would walk away from things, put someone over the coals, all manner of situations, I wouldn’t stop to think about the consequences that it would cause.  The ripples that would take place because the past would keep popping up.

All those things I done in haste.

Today I can honestly say those days are long gone.  No more hastily decisions, no more flipping my top at someone who should have never been on the receiving end.

I cannot speak for others on this issue, but, my medication regiment works for me. I do not have all of the wild mood swings.

My decisions are made with logic, not made on a dime.  Sometimes, I will leave it for a night, sometimes a day, and sometimes decide changing something is not a good decision at all.

In my last post I spoke about how I caught up all of my bills.  It has taken me many years but I have now built up some credit in case of emergencies with my plumbing and my heating.

It truly is a nicer feeling to know that when my phone rings it is not a bill collector.

Yes, there are times we need to use credit, the major one is purchasing a home. I bought this mobile home on rent to own.  My last payment on it was for one single dollar.  It was something shocking when several weeks later that the man I bought it from died.

It is my hope as I write this post that you, the reader, will take some advice stop and think about how making a decision in haste can be devastating!

 

There’s Always Better!

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Image by Prawny from Pixabay

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” —Robert Frost

19 Wise Quotes For a Better Life

  • In every situation, conversation, there is likely always a better way.
  • When you spout a condemning comment, there is a better way.
  • When striking out in anger, there is a better way.
  • When walking out in the middle of a meeting, there is a better way.
  • When enraged with jealousy, there is a better way.

I guess I could list more but I feel that I have made my point.  I believe that there really is a better way in almost every situation. 

Words of anger that I have spoken can never be erased, but, instead of speaking in anger take time out, cool down, then approach the situation in calm.

Striking someone is never the correct way to solve things.  Maybe a better way for me is to just walk away quietly.

Usually after a bad situation and I have had time to think I usually will say, why did I say it that way?  Why didn’t I do that?  My problem use to be, I would do things hastily without correct thought of mind.  The results were devastating for all involved. Now I calmly think before I speak, careful how I write what I am feeling.  Never attacking the person, but instead attacking why the comment or the action was hurtful to me.

So, I am not perfect, no one is, I will put forth an extra effort to always find the better way!

The Silent Scream

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Screaming is bad for the voice, but it’s good for the heart. Conor Oberst
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/screaming-quotes

Lately there are times I just want to scream, not in anger, but shear frustration.  Frustration that I am going through another period of depression.

If I lived somewhere out on an acreage I probably would let out a scream.  Since I do not live somewhere like that, I cannot let out a scream for the neighbors are too close.  More than likely the police would be paying me a visit.  Screaming would be so out of character for me.

So, instead of letting it all out I just do my silent scream!