The Wall Won’t Move, but, I Understand


“If you are self-aware of what you are going through, you would be in a better position to understand others, and affect people around you.” ― Oscar Auliq-Ice


Yesterday I learned about a young man, who lives two rows over from me, had to have surgery on his hands. He was being treated for “boxer’s hands”. I knew him as a young pre-teen and he had a terrible temper. When asked about his hands it came to the light that he in a fit of anger punched the wall. In doing so he hit a wall stud. Apparently this was not the first time. Now he has his hands in bandages from surgery and cannot work.

I grew up around that type of anger, anger in which you never knew what would ignite it. Being around those with that type of anger you would walk gingerly and would filter your words carefully. I learned which words could cause a volcano of anger. Politics, racial discussions, and yes, sometimes religion. To this very day I begin to shake and tremble when I see someone’s anger level rising.


Now, onto what I was thinking when I saw the quote I inserted at the top of this post.

If someone mentions the word “migraine” they would recognize it as some type of headache. My thought is this, would they identify with the pain and discomfort a migraine can cause to a person. For myself I have to lay down in a dark room and try to fall asleep. There are times that Gravol is necessary for an upset stomach. So, when I hear someone talk about a migraine I can have empathy for them and what they are going through.

I have had a bad back for as long as I can remember. Being sent flying through the air, while being a passenger on a motorcycle, I landed butt first and totally damaged the back. Last year I found some relief with cortisone shots. I received two treatments in my back and for the time being my back has not been in severe pain. If you have a bad back and suffer with pain, I understand how it limits your range of motion.

A doctor could put up a power point presentation about nerve endings that run through your spinal cord. He probably would be speaking to a medical versed audience. For everyone else his words would go straight over our heads.

When it comes to depression the subject is very broad and very deep. One thousand people could be asked about their depression and for the greater percentage everyone would have a different experience. Yes, there may be parts of their journey I could understand, but, there would also be parts that I would have no knowledge or understanding about it.

So dear reader, I use my own experiences as a launching board for most of my posts. Sometimes, it may seem like I am repeating myself, it is probably true. When I write I do it with understanding that maybe those who are reading will also be able to relate to my experiences.

Commentary – Can You Feel It?

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
― Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life


This post is not meant to look down on other’s feelings, beliefs, or values.

This week has been one of sincere pain, physically and emotionally. It started with a comment in an email I received that said, “I don’t really believe in all the crap Or garbage that everyone is talking about as far as Covid 19 goes.” It took all that was in me not to reply in anger, not to respond and attack the feelings. So, I have left well enough alone, but, have chosen to speak to it here in this post.

Next was feeling the hurt of my best friend who received a call that his brother, eighty-nine yrs. old, had passed away. I understood the hurt for I have had that type of call. I did what I felt was necessary, I sat and let him unload his heart and his feelings. I just sat quietly while tears flowed down his face with grief. I felt his pain!

My thoughts about the “Covid” remark is this. I wonder how those two hundred eighty thousand plus friends, family, partners, brothers, sister, mother, and father feel about it. I have a feeling that this Covid virus is not “crap” or “garbage”.

I sometimes scratch my head when I hear comments that seem to lack any empathy or sympathy for others. It seems like the only problems that concerns those set of persons is there own, that how others are feeling because of what they are facing does not matter.

I have been there when parents are facing the death of their teenage child. I have seen and watch their hearts break into thousands of pieces while standing looking at the child in their coffin. I have never had that experience, but, I sure am human enough to recognize pain of a loved one. My mother told me once that losing a child is the worst thing a parent can go through.

I just cannot comprehend how anyone cannot find it within themselves to show some empathy or sympathy. Is their heart made of stone? Have they no regard for the feelings of others? Can it be that they are so hardened, that they cannot feel other’s pains?

It is extremely hard to listen to news stories showing the very long lines of cars waiting to have someone put some boxes of food in their trunk. I can feel the pain of not having enough food in the house. Not enough money to go and buy groceries.

So dear reader, I ask you can you feel the pain of others? Has someone been there to place a hand on your shoulder in your moment of great pain? Are we becoming a society that no longer feels or cares about others, the pain they feel or the trouble they are facing and going through.

Re-blog of My Code Of Honor

We should live, act, and say nothing to the injury of anyone. It is not only best as a matter of principle, but it is the path to peace and honor. Robert E. Lee
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/honor-quotes

***There have been many new readers since I first wrote this post. So, I decided to re-blog it.***


An article that Vee at https://millenniallifecrisis.org/2020/01/07/responding-to-weird-mean-comments-and-dms-and-emails/ gave me some inspiration for this blog post.

(clarification: It was the way people treated Vee that caused me to write this post)

My Code Of Honor

  • Treat everyone I interact with with Respect
  • When responding to a comment etc., treat them in a Dignified manner
  • Always try to Understand their point of view
  • When necessary use Sympathy and Empathy

I feel that the above list is a comprehensive way that I should act with all who visit, comment, follow, on this blog.

Walking In Your Shoes

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Barack Obama

“My third piece of advice is to cultivate a sense of empathy – to put yourself in other people’s shoes – to see the world from their eyes. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.”

For this post I want to flip the idiom “walk a mile in my shoes” to “walk a mile in your shoes”.

I would like to ask you a question, what would I learn if I were to lace up in your shoes?

Would I:

  • learn that you dread getting out of bed in the morning
  • that even with taking meds your depression is still hanging there
  • maybe how you think that nobody truly understands what you are struggling with
  • or that sometimes you fantasize about killing yourself 
  • those troublesome times when you just cannot concentrate on one thing for any length of time
  • how you have panic attacks just thinking about leaving your home
  • that between paying for your meds and therapy you have a hard time managing your other obligations

There are probably a myriad of other things I could learn if I were to walk for some time in your shoes. I just mentioned the ones that came to my mind at the time of writing this post.

So dear reader, if I could walk a mile in those shoes of yours would I have a better sense of what your life is truly like?

It Could Always Be Worse!

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The only dependable law of life – everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be. – Author: Dorothy Parker    It Could Be Worse Quotes

For the last several days I have not been feeling the best.  It’s not something that I can honestly say what it is.  It’s not the flu, cold, just a feeling of not one hundred percent.

Growing up if we were sick our mother would not let us lay around in the living room.  She believed if we were really sick, the best place to be was our bed.

She taught us to show empathy towards those who are suffering.  We would never make fun of anyone with a physical, mental challenges.  Today it is open season when it comes to making fun of someone who is different than themselves.  If they are from a different country, skin a different shade of color, then it is pedal to the floor with racism.

If we are paying attention it is easy to look around to find out that maybe, just maybe, our situation could be worse.  That cures the self-pity party!

So, my heart goes out to all those who are grieving tonight from the loss of a loved one, or a friend!  For those I will be praying for. May they find strength while facing such great sorrow!

***Yes dear reader, it could always be worse! ***

How To Face A Crisis?

economic-worries

I’ve been in crisis situations, I’ve been down, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been behind on the scorecards, and I’ve had to pull that shot out to knock somebody out. I’ve been in all kinds of situations and still come out on top. Tyson Fury
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/crisis-quotes

Unless you have been living in a cave in a far away desert you then have been hearing of the world pandemic of the corona virus.  The news seems so grim, the numbers keep ticking upward.  As of this post there are eight hundred forty nine confirmed cases in the United States.  By the way, Canada the country I live in is not immune either. We now have had one death in the province of British Columbia.

All of this had me reflecting on some of the crisis’s I have faced.  Motorcycle accident, attempted suicide, diagnosed bi-polar.  Plus several close family passing away.

The morning after the motorbike accident I was in my hospital room when the morning nurse came in.  She was carrying a tray with some things on it.  Of course I moved to see who it was. The tray hit the floor and her face looked like she had just seen a ghost.  I asked here what the problem was.  She called me Mr. (last name) I just came from reports, she said I was diagnosed that I would be a quadriplegic.  Many days later I walked out of the hospital under my own strength.

The morning after my attempted suicide the nurse talked to me and told how co-operative I was when they were getting me to drink “charcoal” fluid.  It has something to do with counter acting the sleeping pills. 

I could go on a write several more points of crisis that I have faced. But, this post is not about my times of crisis.

Everyone reacts differently in the times of crisis.  Some respond by acting detached from the situation.  Some go about like there is a three alarm fire happening, others just cry.

How we handle a crisis, I believe, tells us something about who we are.  Not that were good or bad, but if we can find it within us the strength to battle the crisis, coming out stronger on the other side.  Or like me decide that taking my own life was the answer to my crisis at the time.

I here about those in the United States who will not have sick leave pay, no health care insurance, and definitely cannot even manage a crisis of four hundred dollars. 

Will there be panic on the streets, people running to hoard whatever the safety masks, other things like food, water, medicine, if there is a total quarantine like the one imposed on the Nation of Italy.

So, I cannot do much as one person.  I do not have mountains of wealth to give to a cause, not able to volunteer to help at a crisis center.  What I do have is, empathy, sympathy, and yes, the breath to say a prayer for those in crisis!

My Code Of Honor

We should live, act, and say nothing to the injury of anyone. It is not only best as a matter of principle, but it is the path to peace and honor. Robert E. Lee
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/honor-quotes

An article that Vee at https://millenniallifecrisis.org/2020/01/07/responding-to-weird-mean-comments-and-dms-and-emails/ gave me some inspiration for this blog post.

(clarification: It was the way people treated Vee that caused me to write this post)

My Code Of Honor

  • Treat everyone I interact with with Respect
  • When responding to a comment etc., treat them in a Dignified manner
  • Always try to Understand their point of view
  • When necessary use Sympathy and Empathy

I feel that the above list is a comprehensive way that I should act with all who visit, comment, follow, on this blog.

What I Know and Don’t Know!

self-care-isn-t-selfish-signage-2821823

I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. Leonardo da Vinci
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/knowing-quotes

For the past several days I have been pondering about which is the better; learned knowledge, or experiential knowledge.  Or could it be a mixture of both, I am just not certain.

There is a pattern in all the blogs I have read thus far of people trying to cope with some form of  mental health issue/s.

All the situations I have observed are unique, just as our fingerprints are unique to only one person.  Another observation I have made is that all remedies to each of the issues also vary from person to person.  These are things I do know!

What I don’t know are these: 

  • The situation/s leading up to the point in each individual’s crisis in mental health.   
  • The life experience of each unique individual.
  • Other challenges that the individual is having along side the mental health challenge.

One more thing I know and that is, I cannot assume I have any answers for a person.  I can only speak to the things I have experienced in my own battle with mental health.

So, I can have empathy, sympathy for the person I am listening to, for all I can do is be a pillar of support for him or her.