“What is the present if not the graveyard of the past where, for each of our deeds we dig a grave. Everything we do today will be buried there. The good deeds rest in peace, while the bad ones rise from the graves to haunt us.”
― Mladen Đorđević, Svetioničar – Pomračenje
During an extended stay in the hospital years ago from having pneumonia I developed pressure sores. After arriving home I had home care workers come in to care for the bed sores. It was a long time before they were able to say that I was well enough not to need any more care. I still have scars where those sores were. Every time I see them I am reminded of that time of illness.
So it is with my memories in my mind, they are they ever ready to roar to life haunting me.
The Queensland Brain Institute says this about how memories are formed:
Memories occur when specific groups of neurons are reactivated. In the brain, any stimulus results in a particular pattern of neuronal activity—certain neurons become active in more or less a particular sequence. … Memories are stored by changing the connections between neurons.Jul 23, 2018
The good memories are the ones that holds back the ones that howl, moan, and haunt my mind. It’s those latter ones that I keep looking for a way to short circuit them, to cleanse them from my head, but, try as I might they are there. There when I sleep, constantly there during my wakening hours.
I remember a song in a stage play South Pacific, a musical. There are these women who start singing, “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair”. So it is with these crazy thoughts of mine, I wanna wash them outa my head.
I am not a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, and definitely have no clue what Sigmund Freud would say about them. I am sure I probably could go for therapy all of the remaining days of my life.
The hauntings of ‘could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” are there to remind me of my shortcomings. Those times where my words could have been chosen better so that wouldn’t have caused someone to be hurt. The times when I didn’t do that thing which I knew was the correct thing to do, I chose to do nothing, the complete opposite.
Here is what I have learned, that I know. These are just that, memories, they really have no power of their own. The only way they can negatively affect me is if I give them the power to do so. I now consider them like a bad digital picture, if they are a bad one I have the power to right click on them and hit the delete button. I also can, and have learned when they come around ignore them, replace them with a positive memory or thought.
So dear reader I have learned to be my own ghost buster of the hauntings in my mind!