Just Imagine

“We seek to escape the dark cave of a despondent mind by either dulling oneself mentally or through imaginative acts. One form of escapism is daydreaming.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls


***This is not about the John Lennon song, “Imagine”. It is my favorite song by far!***

This morning like every morning I get up, put the coffee maker on, sit down and take my morning pills. A boring routine!

Today was a bit different, I found myself daydreaming wondering what my mornings would be like if I didn’t have to take my meds.

I find myself daydreaming quit a lot. For example, I see on a show a nice grand piano and I wonder what it would be like to have it in my home.

Maybe my daydreaming is an escape mechanism, but when you are basically house bound it allows me to roam around different places, events.

However it can become quite more serious, when I start believing that my daydreams are reality. I am not a psychiatrist, I have a feeling that is when it becomes serious. The reason I am writing about this is because I have dealt with an aunt who is Schizophrenia. She is fine while she is on her routine of meds, but I have seen her and interacted with her when she has come off her meds.

So dear reader I find my daydreaming fun, fun to imagine driving a sports car, living in a log cabin. Well I think you get the point!

Do The Work

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“Mental health needs a great deal of attention. It’s the final taboo and it needs to be faced and dealt with.” – Adam Ant

Every day has a job for me to do, it requires my attention every moment, it is there just behind the shadows.  The maintenance of my mental health.  It sure would be easy to neglect it, start sliding backwards, and once again finding myself staring at the abyss,

When I was much younger I was driven by perfection.  I had a habit after I would have my coffee in the morning I would vacuum the carpet in the living room.  I tried to keep everything in it’s place.  Took extra time making sure that my hair was perfect, it was an exercise of using the blow dryer, brush, then extra strong hair spray. 

I find that I am not driven by that part of me that wants perfection.  I like my home clean,  but with a dog that has lots of hair it is an endless battle.  Also, I do not fret if things seem somewhat untidy. Those things are the least of my worries.

My morning routine though is basically the same. I put the coffee maker on, fill the glass on my side table with water, then proceed to take my morning medications in a certain order.  My daily routine is flexible, but one thing that is etched in stone is my medications.

Before turning out the lights I try to find programs with some harmless humor, shows like “Hogan’s Heroes”, “The Carol Burnett Show”, and if I can stay awake an episode of “Perry Mason”.  The reason for the humor I feel it acts like a detox of all the depressing things during the day.

I had read about a man, Cousins, who laughed himself back to healthy.  He locked himself in a hotel room, had all Marx Brothers Films, and other comedies, watched them and laughed himself whole.

Mental Health maintenance truly is a full time job, there is no resting on one’s laurels. You have to be vigilant, always on your guard, avoid some of those who bring nothing but negative drama.  I choose who I allow to have my attention.  I have weeded out those in my family, friends, acquaintances, all who were detrimental to my mental health.

So dear reader, for your own good, your mental health, do the work! 

We Have A Lot of Heroes!

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Just be yourself and be upfront about your expectations and desires. Don’t be ambiguous and play hard to get. It doesn’t work. You’ll end up in the friend zone. Mike Posner
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/upfront-quotes

I have not always been open in sharing my life, I mean I kept people at a distance.  I didn’t let many people in, I wanted to have a mystique about myself.

Since I started to write about my journey called the “bi-polar life” I have found it becomes easier to share more deeper issues.  Before this I had not ever spoken about my attempted suicide.  Except for my best friend no one else really saw me at my lowest when I first entered the Mental Health Ward.  That first time I know I probably kept my distance from others also admitted there.  The group therapy sessions were for others to talk, I didn’t enter into the conversation.

I came home after that trying my damndest to keep the same routine.  Yes, it worked for maybe a couple of weeks only to find myself falling back into my old ways.  Eventually I would find myself back in treatment, I started to become more involved in the groups, participating in the conversations, sharing my personal thoughts.

Writing posts on my blog has worked it’s wonder allowing me to feel freer in sharing more of my life.

Reading all of the posts of others has let me know that I am not the only one with feelings, going through the exact things like myself.

While I am reading your posts I say to myself, “that takes guts”.  I can feel the despair, the pain, the agony, that comes through your words.

So fellow blogger believe it or not, you are all heroes! Never stop writing your story!

Lesson, Hard Learned

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In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. Tom Bodett
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/lesson-quotes

The other night I went off a routine that I have at nighttime.  I usually get a coffee, take my night pills and give my dog her night treats.  For some reason I forgot the meds.

Well that night went horribly wrong.  I couldn’t get to sleep.  I tossed and turned all night. I got out of bed did some quiet things that usually helps me on nights like this.  Still sleep wouldn’t come to my eyes.  My brain just kept on racing.

At 4 a.m. I finally decided this exercise of trying to go to sleep was futile.  So, I did what I always do in the morning I call my best friend to let him know I am awake.  He then proceeds to tell me that I forgot my night meds.  You see he is the one that brings my meds for each day.  Well, that answered why a had such a horrendous night.

I found out that I will always need the meds. 

So, that was a lesson hard learned!