Will They Ever Understand?

“I have never seen battles quite as terrifyingly beautiful as the ones I fight when my mind splinters and races, to swallow me into my own madness, again.” ― Nicole Lyons, Hush

Since Sunday night the world once more has been made to listen about someone wanting to commit suicide. Meghan Markle, most would think that she has it all, everything a princess could want. A great husband, a son, and soon one more will be added to the family. Wrong, totally wrong, we never know what happens in any household after the door is closed. To hear talk that she didn’t feel safe, yes, in her own home, Meghan did not feel safe. How she told Prince Harry that she didn’t want to be alone because she wasn’t sure if she would commit suicide. What a horrible, utterly ugly way that must have felt like. To have everything that most are envy of and not having the strength to continue, not to even trust herself alone.

We have heard this story many times over and still we are coping with understanding it. Or, could it be that they really don’t want to hear it, to come face to face with it, to look at it’s horrendous face. Once more they try to push it behind the tapestry and say they will deal with it privately. How many does it take before they will finally call in the troops? Princess Diana, Prince Harry and others told to hush it up and will we deal with it after the door closes.

I don’t normally listen to those type of interviews, and I didn’t. I caught the clips of it on different news shows. Meghan’s story seemed familiar to me. The feeling of not being safe in your own four walls. Keeping things under the rug because the world doesn’t talk about issues such as, suicide or suicidal thoughts. I remember the hush tones around my grandmother’s house concerning her brother-in-law who they found laying under the exhaust of the car in the garage.

I entered into grade ten and things were unbearable around my home. It became quite contentious between my dad and myself. I found myself going and coming home in the dark. Anything to avoid him, to avoid his temper tantrums similar to that of a three year old who has been told he cannot have any more candy. Years later my mother told me that when he was still living at home he would lose his temper with his own parents. From what I understand it became violent.

My attempted suicide was my alarm bell going off, sounding loudly that I just can’t live anymore. I didn’t know where or who I could talk with. I didn’t want to seek someone out only to be put off, I didn’t want to feel rejected because I knew that pain quite well. To my dad I was never going to be good enough. Actually, he wanted me to work in a factory with a dead end job. Furious because I did not go to a high school that taught the trades. I picked a secondary school that majored in business and such.

According the World Health Organization over 800,000 people die of suicide each year.

Close to 800 000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Suicide is a global phenomenon and occurs throughout the lifespan. Effective and evidence-based interventions can be implemented at population, sub-population and individual levels to prevent suicide and suicide attempts. There are indications that for each adult who died by suicide there may have been more than 20 others attempting suicide.

Suicide is a global phenomenon; in fact, 79% of suicides occurred in low- and middle-income countries in 2016. Suicide accounted for 1.4% of all deaths worldwide, making it the 18th leading cause of death in 2016.

How many more times will it take for the world to understand that there is a epidemic raging and hollering for someone, somebody to help.

Other celebrities like, Robin Williams, Amy Winehouse, and even a chef who had a show on CNN. Each of them hiding, suffering in silence with their story, their story that goes with them to their graves.

So dear reader, will they ever understand this pain that so many are dealing with. Each one has a story, has a beginning, a failure, and successes. And the final chapter that is written is one of death by suicide.

Suicide Hotline Numbers

Canada Suicide Prevention Service – 833-456-4566

In the United States – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

What are the signs and symptoms of depression in men?


 “Don’t buy into the lie that to struggle with mental health means you are any less of a person or a man.”

– Kevin, Victoria, BC and Toronto, Ontario, Canada

This is the  continuation of Men And Depression. As a male suffering with being bi-polar it is important that we need men to step forward to share their story of deal with the struggles of their own personal battle in Mental Health.

Once again I am using the source The National Institute of Mental Health.

What are the signs and symptoms of depression in men?

Different men have different symptoms, but some common depression symptoms include:

  • Anger, irritability, or aggressiveness
  • Feeling anxious, restless, or “on the edge”
  • Loss of interest in work, family, or once-pleasurable activities
  • Problems with sexual desire and performance
  • Feeling sad, “empty,” flat, or hopeless
  • Not being able to concentrate or remember details
  • Feeling very tired, not being able to sleep, or sleeping too much
  • Overeating or not wanting to eat at all
  • Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
  • Physical aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems
  • Inability to meet the responsibilities of work, caring for family, or other important activities
  • Engaging in high-risk activities
  • A need for alcohol or drugs
  • Withdrawing from family and friends or becoming isolated

Not every man who is depressed experiences every symptom. Some men experience only a few symptoms while others may experience many.

So dear reader the first thing I did to start the managing of Depression was admitting something was wrong,  If you experiencing symptons o

Men And Depression


I am using information from National Institute Of Mental Health

There will be several posts that I will post with the source mentioned above.


Men and women both experience depression but their symptoms can be very different. Because men who are depressed may appear to be angry or aggressive instead of sad, their families, friends, and even their doctors may not always recognize the anger or aggression as depression symptoms. In addition, men are less likely than women to recognize, talk about, and seek treatment for depression. Yet depression affects a large number of men.

What is depression?

Everyone feels sad or irritable and has trouble sleeping once in a while. But these feelings and troubles usually pass after a couple of days. Depression is a common but serious mood disorder that may cause severe symptoms. Depression affects the ability to feel, think, and handle daily activities. Also known as major depressive disorder or clinical depression, a man must have symptoms for at least two weeks to be diagnosed with depression.

Both men and women get depression but their willingness to talk about their feelings may be very different. This is one of the reasons that depression symptoms for men and women may be very different as well.

For example, some men with depression hide their emotions and may seem to be angry, irritable, or aggressive while many women seem sad or express sadness. Men with depression may feel very tired and lose interest in work, family, or hobbies. They may be more likely to have difficulty sleeping than women who have depression. Sometimes mental health symptoms appear to be physical issues. For example, a racing heart, tightening chest, ongoing headaches, or digestive issues can be signs of a mental health problem. Many men are more likely to see their doctor about physical symptoms than emotional symptoms.

Some men may turn to drugs or alcohol to try to cope with their emotional symptoms. Also, while women with depression are more likely to attempt suicide, men are more likely to die by suicide because they tend to use more lethal methods.

Depression can affect any man at any age. With the right treatment, most men with depression can get better and gain back their interest in work, family, and hobbies.

“My daily routine was shot. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I got up because the dog had to be walked and my wife needed to go to work. The day would go by and I didn’t know where it went. I wanted to get back to normal. I just wanted to be myself again.”
—Jimmy, Firefighter



“I didn’t want normal until I didn’t have it anymore”
― Maggie Stiefvater,Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception

We Have A Lot of Heroes!


Just be yourself and be upfront about your expectations and desires. Don’t be ambiguous and play hard to get. It doesn’t work. You’ll end up in the friend zone. Mike Posner
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/upfront-quotes

I have not always been open in sharing my life, I mean I kept people at a distance.  I didn’t let many people in, I wanted to have a mystique about myself.

Since I started to write about my journey called the “bi-polar life” I have found it becomes easier to share more deeper issues.  Before this I had not ever spoken about my attempted suicide.  Except for my best friend no one else really saw me at my lowest when I first entered the Mental Health Ward.  That first time I know I probably kept my distance from others also admitted there.  The group therapy sessions were for others to talk, I didn’t enter into the conversation.

I came home after that trying my damndest to keep the same routine.  Yes, it worked for maybe a couple of weeks only to find myself falling back into my old ways.  Eventually I would find myself back in treatment, I started to become more involved in the groups, participating in the conversations, sharing my personal thoughts.

Writing posts on my blog has worked it’s wonder allowing me to feel freer in sharing more of my life.

Reading all of the posts of others has let me know that I am not the only one with feelings, going through the exact things like myself.

While I am reading your posts I say to myself, “that takes guts”.  I can feel the despair, the pain, the agony, that comes through your words.

So fellow blogger believe it or not, you are all heroes! Never stop writing your story!

A Re Blog: Opioid PainKillers and Reducing Risk — Dr. Daniel Francis

Pain is an unpleasant experience that cannot deny anyone. The causes of pain can be acute or chronic and have several underlying medical reasons. Finding the safest and most effective treatment or medication to manage pain can be a challenge for anyone. Recently, opioid painkillers, also referred to as narcotics, have been a hot topic […]

via Opioid PainKillers and Reducing Risk — Dr. Daniel Francis

Personal Progress Report


Those who improve with age embrace the power of personal growth and personal achievement and begin to replace youth with wisdom, innocence with understanding, and lack of purpose with self-actualization. Bo Bennett
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/personal-growth-quotes

I woke up this morning with this thought on my mind.  That being is, my road to recovery is personal.  It is not a template that can be overlaid on somebody else.

Everyone is at a different moment in their recovery, different age, different circumstances.  Each are on different types of treatments, different medications.  Everyone has to find their personal road to recovery, chart their own progression.

For me my road has taken twists and turns.  I may have days where I will backslide for one reason, I am only human.

One more aspect of this journey I am on, I have started to apply it to my dietary regimen.  I have lost some weight already, no I am no Adonis,  hehehehe  🙂

I have also thought to myself that maybe I am just on the spectrum side of manic.  Whatever this is, I feel that I have taken a couple of steps forward.

I would encourage all who read this not to give up trying. You may take two steps forward then fall three steps back.  The important thing is that you don’t stay back there. Pick yourself up and try and try again.

So, dear reader I lift a glass for your personal success!